Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just heard that A burger King in Florida will open next month that will serve BEER.... where you'll be able to get a whopper combo with a beer for 7.99....FINALLY A HAPPY MEAL FOR MEN!

   My boss asked me to take an anger management class today. I told him I was angry enough with management as it is!

   Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it....

   I will personally pay the exorcist to pay Anna Anka a visit.

   sometimes wishes that life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF

   My annoying neighbors challenged me to a water fight, so i'm posting this status while waiting for the kettle to boil..

   has decided that a Man's nipples are for decoration.

   too bad the minn didnt win...i wanted to see favre get a ring this year....but ok well...you brett...go ahead and retire now for and come back b4 the start of next year...

   planning on driving to the south Florida for the Super Bowl. Let's just hope I don't "FUMBLE" my keys a few times before getting there.

   These days, the only way I get rolled in the hay is if I get mugged behind the barn

   My new doctor is a very attractive busty blonde.....I have now given up eating apples !!!!

   In Taiwan, marine biologists have discovered a crab that they say looks just like a strawberry, and by "marine biologists," I mean two guys on mushrooms.

   wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

   Oops! Something went wrong. We don't give two sh!ts if you waste the next hour trying to understand why you can't post anything You may be able to try again, whatever!

   Some of my best relationships now are with people who I dont have relationships with anymore.....

   in a relationship ♥ with Samuel Adams

   Thinking about moving to Haiti, so I can get a free ride to the U.S, housed, clothed, $450. food stamp per month, and get government money along with job.

   Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

   Multiply that by infinity & take it 2 the depths of forever & then you will have some vague idea what I'm talkin about...

   I hate it when you hang out with MC Hammer, and he never lets you touch anything