Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There is no "non creepy" way to compliment hot girl's feet

   So, is Charles still in charge or what?

   I think I found out what commitment really is. Its not marriage, its finding a new cell phone plain to sign with...

   Daylight savings tonight.. Happy extra hour of drinking everyone!!!!

   X says Falling in love is like jumping off a very tall building. Your brain tells you - it's not damn a good idea, while your heart tells you - you can fly.

   Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".

   Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 7' to 10' tall.

   It's only November 2nd and I'm already seeing Halloween decorations

   I was just reading, 3 Steps to Repair Your Metabolism. My three steps are. Get a beer, open beer and drink said beer. . .

   I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?

   You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......

   I was wondering if Nik Wallenda gets ordered to walk a straight line when he gets pulled over for suspicion of drinking and driving?

   You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.

   maybe congress should hire Nik Wallenda to balance the budget...

   Beware of popping weasels.

   I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.

   The cheapest woman is the one that costs you the most.

   My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.

   Relationship status: Please? I am rich.

   I saw a homeless drunk playing with his d*ck on the street today. Thought of you.