Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   * Noah loading ark,,, "cows? check,,, goats? check",,, *llama walks up,,, " I already have llamas."... "Umm, I'm an Alpaca?".... "O.K.,, Wahatever"

   Dear Sir, I am writing this with a heavy heart.... * Sorry it's so hard to read, I should really find a pen

   went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn't find any

   new rule....everyone given a "life sentence" by a judge has to start racing NASCAR.....one of them will die fast

   After a while you just get used to people not understanding.

   I had walked a mile in your shoes before I realized that we don't wear the same size.

   Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"

   Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.

   NFL players are getting kind of soft. I've seen harder hits in an elevator

   Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.

   I scream. You scream. Others begin to scream frightened by our screaming. Panic ensues. Riots breakout... next time just ask for ice cream.

   If attacked by a bear you should play dead. If that doesn't work play "Total Eclipse Of The Heart". Bears love that song.

   Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.

   Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns and says to the other "Dam"

   I say "no thanks" to the great airfare offer from Virgin Airlines...I'd rather fly on an airline that goes all of the way.

   So you are changing your iPhone 5 with iPhone 6 just for an inch? Hope your girlfriend won't do the same.

   Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: Do these jeans make me look fat? Cop: You're free to go.

   None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes... maybe these 20 cats really aren't my friends after all :(

   The question no one is asking: What did Janay do to piss him off?

   I wish Twitter would stop recommending that I follow "One Direction." Do they think I wear capri pants or something?