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You're saying," All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don't get into relationships. " DO you have life? 
Congress is making it look like the British Royal family is doing a lot.
A bed designed like a toaster: it just launches your unwilling body out when the alarm goes.
We'll look back someday and realize the rise of the machines began with automatic toilets flushing before we're done.
Do people who work in those office supply stores steal stuff from their homes to use at work?
After visiting the gov't healthcare site, I don't know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Canada doesn't want you. Why would be buy something that's broken?
Rihanna and Miley Cyrus could learn a great deal from other female musicians who don’t need to be naked to sell their music like Drake.
Ladies; When a guy you don't know offers to buy you a drink in a club, he's not being nice he wants to have sex with you. It's not rocket science.
Women claim they want honest men but dare you not blame the obesity on the dress.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
don't cry over spilled milk... it could have been beer...
I'm just going to keep letting animals bite me until I get super powers.
FYI,,, Society has put an excessive amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
FYI: It's illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack the plane
You know that sinking feeling,,, when you realize that you should have taken those swimming lessons.
dude, where's my government
Every once in a while I'll part way too much to remind myself how much of an idiot I am.
the only people who are against drugs are the ones who sucked at doing them!
Can a woman make you a millionaire? Yes. But only if you are a billionaire. 