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Gabe Funny Status Messages
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I drive more safely when there's food in the passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there...
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06-05-2020 08:17 by
Gabe
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Going outside to vacuum the driveway. I do this every so often... just to ensure the neighbors never talk to me...
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12-05-2020 10:08 by
Gabe
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Walmart is asking customers to wear masks. Good luck with that. They can't even get them to wear pants...
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04-27-2020 13:30 by
Gabe
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You'd be surprised at how quick Lowe's employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw...
46
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10-11-2019 09:10 by
Gabe
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When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
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07-12-2020 09:10 by
Gabe
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I went on a blind date today. It didn't start out that way, but she brought pepper spray...
35
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01-21-2021 21:02 by
Gabe
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My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
87
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06-14-2020 09:45 by
Gabe
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Me 9am, "I think I'll make roasted chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner."... Me 5pm, "Hi, I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza for delivery..."
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07-13-2020 18:58 by
Gabe
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I never know if I have free time or if I just keep forgetting stuff...
25
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02-19-2020 11:07 by
Gabe
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Out of all my body parts, my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 300 times a day...
80
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06-18-2020 13:05 by
Gabe
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When this is all over, we'll need to wear our masks backwards for 3 to 4 weeks to get our ears back to normal...
32
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11-17-2021 09:07 by
Gabe
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Don't believe everything you read in public toilets. Sharon is not up for a good time. What an awkward phone call that was...
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06-16-2020 08:58 by
Gabe
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Adulting is putting back a pack of chicken for $8.58 because you see one for $8.17...
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11-07-2019 11:11 by
Gabe
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Looks like Bloomberg got stopped and frisked during the debate...
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02-20-2020 08:26 by
Gabe
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Oh I can walk the walk. Just don't ask me to jog the jog or run the run...
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02-20-2020 18:44 by
Gabe
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Of course I'm am an organ donor. Who wouldn't want a piece of this!?
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06-04-2019 17:06 by
Gabe
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0
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Based on the amount of laundry I do, I'm pretty sure there are people living here that I haven't met yet...
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08-17-2020 08:24 by
Gabe
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I started homeschooling today. So far two students are suspended and the teacher was fired for drinking on the job...
21
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03-18-2020 09:32 by
Gabe
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0
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I went to a gender reveal party yesterday and was immediately told to put my clothes back on...
14
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10-29-2019 09:00 by
Gabe
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0
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It's a five minute walk from my home to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering...
14
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06-02-2020 09:29 by
Gabe
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