Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I don't care how important you think you are. You should do what you learned in kindergarten and be patient and wait your turn.
←Rate | 06-22-2017 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles, eventually there will a Country and Western song about your truck leaving you too.
←Rate | 06-23-2017 08:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have now survived 21,364 days and13 hours without using essential oils or eating kale. thank you for your prayers and support during these trying times.
←Rate | 06-21-2017 19:33 by the barber Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
←Rate | 06-24-2017 10:10 by BEE Comments (0)  


   messageicon This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
←Rate | 06-27-2017 02:23 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Do race horses really pee more than regular horses?
←Rate | 05-30-2017 07:28 Comments (2)  


   messageicon When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think "What would my grandfather do?" Then I leave home in my underwear and shout at random strangers.
←Rate | 05-30-2017 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.
←Rate | 05-12-2017 10:18 by koolfingaz Comments (15)  


   messageicon It's okay, you guys. People on Facebook have changed their profile pictures, sent their prayers and thoughts. So terrorism should end shortly.
←Rate | 06-04-2017 12:38 Comments (12)  


   messageicon Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!
←Rate | 06-03-2017 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
←Rate | 04-28-2017 07:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.
←Rate | 05-07-2017 17:57 by Gump Comments (0)  


   messageicon The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 18:12 by Pj Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd be willing to bet that the gambling addiction hotline would work better if every fifth caller was a winner.
←Rate | 04-13-2017 08:44 by MK Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they'll never meet
←Rate | 05-16-2017 09:51 by Dp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hang out with people you want holding your hand when your heart stops.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 18:08 by Pj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
←Rate | 05-19-2017 05:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 23:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
←Rate | 04-28-2017 19:30 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind helping people as long as I'm not slightly inconvenienced.
←Rate | 06-04-2017 12:39 Comments (0)  



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