Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Everyone seems so normal until you become Facebook friends with them.
←Rate | 08-15-2019 20:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon shout out to my student loans for being the only one from college keeping in touch
←Rate | 08-17-2019 06:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone greased my downward spiral.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 18:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon shout out to anyone that’s used a tube of super glue more than once
←Rate | 08-17-2019 06:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Nothing suspicious about Jeffrey Epstein death” says medical examiner Eprey Jeffstein
←Rate | 08-18-2019 07:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever since I had my fingerprints taken for employment, I often sit at my desk gazing off in the distance, reflecting over the opportunity of an exciting life of crime lost by accepting this job.
←Rate | 08-18-2019 07:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write "Do Not Eat" on silica gel packets.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 05:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've slept with my hands covering my neck to ward off vampires since I was a child and you know what? It works.
←Rate | 08-14-2019 18:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women aren’t hard to read For example: When she looks you in the eyes, puts her hair in a ponytail, then starts throwing all your sh*t out You’re done bro
←Rate | 08-18-2019 07:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
←Rate | 08-19-2019 05:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I go swimming I can feel people dressing me with their eyes.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 09:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some things are better left unsaid Tequila - No they're not
←Rate | 08-17-2019 06:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like to keep my husband on his toes by texting, “How could you do this to me?” at least 2 times per day.
←Rate | 08-18-2019 07:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At Red Robin, you can substitute bottomless broccoli for bottomless fries. . . what kind of psycho wants bottomless broccoli? And who thinks it’s a substitute for fries?
←Rate | 08-18-2019 07:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me and the person reading this have decided to quit alcohol.
←Rate | 08-18-2019 12:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd rather be an outlaw than an in-law.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 05:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To make a long story short, just walk away once you're bored.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 05:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My parents always taught me to pursue my dreams. That's why I take so many naps.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 05:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ME: Alexa, am I drunk? TUBE OF PRINGLES:
←Rate | 08-19-2019 05:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Literally held in a sneeze because I was giving my wife the silent treatment and I didn't want her to bless me.
←Rate | 08-19-2019 09:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  

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