Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Your opinion does not require anyone else's to be valid... 
There are two kinds of people in this world, and I don't like them.
This heat makes people do crazy things... Like talk to me.
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was 'this is how pornos start'. It's just elevator talk.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I'd prefer something else.
Name your iPod 'Titanic', plug it into the computer, "Titanic is syncing", press cancel, feel like a hero.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
was everyone this worked up when OJ was found innocent
I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my phone charger. I had to do what most people would have done... turn back around and go get it.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck, the least they could do is send me a picture of the ghetto family I'm supporting!
There's a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I'm too bad to be an angel and too good to be a devil.
there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn't fully charged? There should be.
Yep, back when I was a kid we had hipsters too ...only then we called them douche bags !
I wish someone could love me as much as I love looking forward to my next meal.
I'd rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
If men knew the effect their scent has on women, they'd shower more and fart less.
Its already too late for some of you ladies to find Mr Right and I would advise you to just settle for Mr. What's Left or you will die alone.
Sometimes I notice the way my wife is looking at me and think, "if I could read her mind I'd probably be too terrified to live with her."
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?......................... (you smart people grinned didn't you.) 