Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Worse thing about having a couple ex's in group of friends. I always have to check the attending list on Facebook events before confirming.

   Every time I found something to eat in the refrigerator, I feel like I found a treasure.

   Someone needs to tell Dominique Strauss-Kahn that in this country bankers are only allowed to screw their customers.

   It's great having a JOB that leaves me Just Over Broke.

   Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

   ending the night with green beer in a sippy cup!

   A sunset is just a beautiful way of reminding you of all the stuff you didn't get done today.

   Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.

   We are the WTF generation : Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

   Bill Gates is telling everyone what to do about the virus but he can't even stop windows from getting a virus...

   Why are snooze alarm minutes so short and microwave oven minutes so long?

   Amazon is buying Whole Foods for $13 billion. Ironically I think I spend $13 billion at Whole Foods also.

   Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

   Bieber cancels the rest of the concerts of worldwide tour, maybe she's pregnant

   my bodies a temple...Well more like a catholic church,, full of wine bread and guilt...

   I don't need drugs to have a good time. But I do need them to focus, avoid depression, survive winter, fall asleep, stay awake, control my blood pressure, calm myself down, and to avoid choking the hell out of stupid people.

   Tweet others the same way you want them to tweet you.

   You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn't fit anymore.

   If Trump wins I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.

   RIP Mainstream Media.