Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 899 of 6369
How come we always hear about what's happening on Wall Street and Main Street. What about what's happening on Sesame Street? People live in trash cans there.
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11-26-2011 17:57 by g0re
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Bucket list item #26 Shoot at someone's feet while yelling "DANCE, VARMINT!"
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11-29-2011 09:13 by flinnie
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A Jealous Woman Does Better Research Than A FBI Agent
you never seen a McDonalds or a Burger King under construction...they just show up
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12-17-2011 12:31
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You know how after you get off a boat, your body still feels like its on the boat for a while after? I'm like that with beds.
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06-20-2012 07:39
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He called my girlfriend a wh0re. So I called him an ambulance.
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06-30-2012 09:25
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As a species we should resign now and let the dinosaurs have another go
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06-30-2012 19:19
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Just witnessed my dog catch fire while "draggin' ass" on our dead lawn.
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07-07-2012 12:58 by Steve OH
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Pretty sure I could make an entire meal with the crumbs in my keyboard.
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04-19-2012 21:01 by BEGO
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My wife and I have a waterbed - I call it the "Dead Sea"!
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05-19-2012 22:30
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Interesting,,,,, All those years, no one has ever questioned Bob Barker's choice of microphones.
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05-25-2012 17:17 by snotty
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The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
The government closed Megaupload and Piratebay.org might be next.. But life goes on.. We will always find a way.. Mark my words.
If your breath isn't flammable, you're not an alcoholic.
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01-23-2012 13:19 by Czovczov
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The wife wants me to take her to one of those fancy resturants where they prepare your food right in front of you. Does anyone know if I need reservations for Waffle House?
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01-26-2012 19:20
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If a girl stabbed me on our first date, how many days should I wait to ask her out again?
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02-08-2012 18:59
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The only thing keeping me from driving off this bridge is the insurance rate increase if I survive
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02-25-2012 10:03
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The N-B-A lockout continues. Which explains the 8-foot man cleaning my windshield this morning.
MC Hammer arrested. STOP..... Slammer Time
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02-24-2013 06:25
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Someone please tell Facebook that all relationships are complicated.