Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2019,,,,, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.

   That hilarious moment when someone tries to make you jealous, when you honestly don't give a fuck.

   Heck with the 7 Dwarfs, I have: "Not me"; "Don't know"; "Wasn't Home"; "Not Mine"; "Didn't use it last"; "Haven't Seen it" & "I'm Not Doing It!" living with me

   If you're in line, and the person in front of you doesn't notice the line moving, how soon can you shove them before it's considered rude?

   I can't believe our parents used to have to sit & wait for someone to develop their film before they could show off pictures of their food.

   If you love someone, set them free. If they come back knocking on your door with two police officers, you'll know that setting them free was a bad idea.

   Thursday Night Football on the same time during the Vice Presidential debate....well played NFL, well played.

   The only reason I run with scissors is because the person I'm trying to stab is usually running too.

   I wish judging other people burned calories!

   Dreamt I went to the gym so, I'm counting that as a workout.

   Hey, everybody under 25 just shut up for like FIVE minutes.

   What!? High schools with daycare centers!!....Now see what you did MTV by having that 16 & Pregnant mess! I hope you're happy.

   I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Frequently, the green berets would pick on me. People call them Girl Scouts, but whatever...

   Does anyone really believe this thing with the Mayan calendar? If you do it's OK but if you don't, it's not the end of the world.

   What a lovely winter, we're having this spring!

   I'm even late for work when I work from home

   Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.

   "Done that, done that, done that, done that & that & that" = Me, flipping through 50 Shades Of Grey.

   Just found out my attic is full of cotton candy!!!

   It's always funny until it happens to you.