santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Every Christmas for the last 15 years, I've been too drunk to remember the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, enough is enough. It's time to get my act together. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 19:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I noticed that every time I hear that Christmas song about nuts roasting on an open fire, my testicles move into a defensive formation.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.
←Rate | 12-23-2018 07:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!
←Rate | 12-02-2009 20:33 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I want for Christmas, is to keep the things I've got.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 08:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I returned an online purchase and the form said for your security, please use Fedex, UPS, USPS, DHL or Parcel Post. Exactly what other options do they think I'm considering? Horse? Catapult? Helicopter drop? Santa?
←Rate | 09-05-2010 20:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .♫♪♫..it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas...♫♪♫
←Rate | 12-06-2010 12:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks so cool, hanging from my car's rearview mirror :)
←Rate | 12-09-2010 19:04 by franknsign Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign that says, "Help, need ride."
←Rate | 12-13-2011 05:27 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saved a bunch of money on Christmas by switching to single
←Rate | 11-29-2011 20:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well lets see for Christmas I bought the iPhone,iPad,iTouch.... now iBroke,iHomeless and iRegret...
←Rate | 12-26-2010 10:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Dec, cops should take off the blue lights and make them green. It's more festive... Like getting pulled over by Santa.
←Rate | 12-05-2012 10:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pretty sure I know what my GF is getting me for Christmas. When I guessed, "a threesome?" she got all angry like I'd ruined the surprise.
←Rate | 08-23-2012 11:47 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas Gift idea: Take her to the Planetarium so she can see the world doesn't revolve around her.
←Rate | 12-18-2014 23:48 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do car companies REALLY think it's possible that a spouse is secretly able to obtain financing, purchase a car, have it wrapped in a bow, and delivered on Christmas Eve?
←Rate | 12-02-2010 18:28 Comments (1)  


   messageicon WTH!!! It's 2 days until Christmas and none of stores have their Valentine's Day stuff displayed.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 15:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 7 more times before then.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 07:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It only took 6 drinks but I'm starting to feel the Christmas spirit.
←Rate | 12-25-2010 03:07 by ff1241 Comments (0)  




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