father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   hoping no kids wish me a happy father's day today.

   Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."

   I'm white, but not "know where my father is" white.

   If on Father's day you don't post a picture of your dad carrying you as a baby, I'm not sure you really "love" him.

   Dear God, I could have wished a happy Father's day but decided against it considering how an absent, unaring and neglecting dead-beat dad you have been. I bet Kanye West would make a better father than you.

   father's day is a great time to stop into a strip club to remind yourself that you could have done worse as a father.

   I would wish my father a Happy Father's Day on Facebook but I blocked him

   Remember to wish your dad a happy Father's Day, as well as thanking him for not wiping you up in a tissue.

   Dear God, Happy Father's Day.

   In honor of Father's Day, I came up with a bourbon and cookie diet that is going to make me so rich... And fat... And drunk... Well, at least two of those

   For Father's Day, I just want to wear my Crocs and Ed Hardy shirt and still be loved.

   Father's Day; the most confusing day in a trailer park where chances are your father might also be your older brother.

   The ONLY 2 acceptable excuses a man can't spend time with his child is if he's DEAD or IN JAIL, Happy Father's Day

   Dear Dad. Thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!

   All I want for Father's Day is the last freakin donut.

   Belichick, Brady, & Tebow: The NFL's Father, Son, & Holy Ghost.

   If you have never said "Luke, I am your father" into an empty pringles can, then you probably should get on that

   Our Father who art in Chicago. Hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, the Cup will be won, on the ice as well as in the stands.

   A pregnancy test that also tells who the father is. But instead of a stick, you pee on Maury Povich. Don't worry, he's into it. TRUST ME

   My dad's ability to drive with one hand while reaching back and smacking the right child, somehow always impressed me... Happy father's day dad!