Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 654 of 6443

With the fuel prices as high as they are, I'm actually hoping for coal this year!
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12-17-2010 10:51
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If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
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12-18-2010 10:26 by Esoteric
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Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
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01-22-2011 17:42 by Will
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Saw a fashion report saying that with low riding jeans in style, butt cracks are the new cleavage. What was wrong with the old cleavage???
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06-24-2010 23:19 by Joser
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Chuck Schumer just released a new book, it's called; "How to Be a Giant Jack A$$"
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11-21-2017 18:45
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I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
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08-30-2014 14:10 by Baddie
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If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
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05-21-2013 12:36
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Hey, NSA,,,, if you're going to read my posts, would it kill you to like them?
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06-08-2013 08:31 by snotty
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Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?

I wish there was a ” like” button for texting.. so when I run out of things to say I can just ” like” their last txt and be done with it!!
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09-16-2012 14:00 by DL
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Remember when we treated the flu with chicken soup, saltines and tea instead of commmunism?
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10-01-2021 04:03
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"Once you go black, you never go back!" I shouted as I threw my 3 week old bananas in the trash.....
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05-30-2012 21:18
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Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
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03-11-2012 12:20
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People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.
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03-13-2012 13:24
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I'm joking about 90% of the time & the other 10% is me being condescending.. Do I need to explain the difference to you?
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04-01-2012 07:17 by snotty
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I am pretty sure that my cute neighbor thinks that I am a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook, Twitter and in her diary.

People are not mirrors, They see you completely differently than the way you see yourself.

seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..
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06-18-2011 13:25 by me
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You know you have been SINGLE enough when you start making up abbreviations of the word SINGLE like the loser below.
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08-17-2011 08:01
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When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me
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06-29-2010 23:08
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