Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon With the fuel prices as high as they are, I'm actually hoping for coal this year!
←Rate | 12-17-2010 10:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
←Rate | 12-18-2010 10:26 by Esoteric Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
←Rate | 01-22-2011 17:42 by Will Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a fashion report saying that with low riding jeans in style, butt cracks are the new cleavage. What was wrong with the old cleavage???
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:19 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chuck Schumer just released a new book, it's called; "How to Be a Giant Jack A$$"
←Rate | 11-21-2017 18:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 14:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
←Rate | 05-21-2013 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, NSA,,,, if you're going to read my posts, would it kill you to like them?
←Rate | 06-08-2013 08:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
←Rate | 09-04-2012 13:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish there was a ” like” button for texting.. so when I run out of things to say I can just ” like” their last txt and be done with it!!
←Rate | 09-16-2012 14:00 by DL Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when we treated the flu with chicken soup, saltines and tea instead of commmunism?
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Once you go black, you never go back!" I shouted as I threw my 3 week old bananas in the trash.....
←Rate | 05-30-2012 21:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
←Rate | 03-11-2012 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.
←Rate | 03-13-2012 13:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm joking about 90% of the time & the other 10% is me being condescending.. Do I need to explain the difference to you?
←Rate | 04-01-2012 07:17 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am pretty sure that my cute neighbor thinks that I am a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook, Twitter and in her diary.
←Rate | 02-23-2011 16:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are not mirrors, They see you completely differently than the way you see yourself.
←Rate | 02-24-2011 10:18 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..
←Rate | 06-18-2011 13:25 by me Comments (1)  


   messageicon You know you have been SINGLE enough when you start making up abbreviations of the word SINGLE like the loser below.
←Rate | 08-17-2011 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me
←Rate | 06-29-2010 23:08 Comments (0)  




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