Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you know what amazes me? .....that people would rather believe the mayans prophecies about 2012 then believe in a god that made the universe... doesnt seem quite right to me...

   According to a to a recent UCLA study, surfing the Internet stimulates the brain. And certian sites stimulate other parts of the body.

   the man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

   y do women wear white on there wedding day? so the dishwasher matches the fridge and the stove;)

   the next time someone says nothing is impossible tell them to try dribbling a football

   congratulates Tiger Woods on the 2009 PGA Playa' of the year award.

   climbed to the top of Mount Everest and said hey I can see my house from here

   out spreading Christmas Cheer by streaking at sporting events.

   Dear Santa: if you ignore all my actions during weekends and all the alcohol I drank, you'll see that 6 out of 12 months I was a good boy, wich makes me 50% good...It's up to you to see the glass half empty or half full

   Has been thinking that people cheat on there wife all the time, but you never cheat on your mistress... thats just wrong

   being 39 and after 20 years of living with my mother never understood what she meant by..."boys piss in the toliet" when we thought we were......Until NOW that I have a boy to clean after........GEZZZZZZZZ........

   Today is the shortest day of the year. Can't wait for tomorrow when the days begin to get longer once again!

   giving up Status Updates for lent

   Don't get your hopes up. Santa has about as much of a chance of bringing "Hope and Change" as a clown does.

   would like to see things your way, but unfortunately can't stick my head that far up my arse

   Dont steal, the government doesnt like competition

   Drugs have taught an entire generation of canadian kids the metric system!

   Christmas is the time of year when we want our pasts forgotten and our presents remembered!

   heard that Elin is filing for divorce. In the filing, the reason listed was "irreconcilable waitresses".

   Bummer about Yahoo losing market share. You can read more about it at Google News.