Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you see a animal stuck in a trap, free them. If you see a child crying, comfort them. If you see the Jersey Shore cast crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!

   red meat is not bad for you. Green furry meat is....

   spraying aerosol cans in an effort to speed up this so called global warming.

   finally found out what a 'Snooki' is. I thought it was some great, new dessert everyone was talking about. To my disappointment, it's girl who looks like she's had way too many desserts.

   was witness a Toyota Prius that had a malfunction accelerator. For a Prius it was flying. It had to be going at least 49 mph.

   heard charges were pressed against James Ray. I bet he's sweating now.

   It is scientifically proven that a woman can be satisfied with only 8.5 cm. - and it doesn't matter if the card is Visa or Mastercard...

   doesn't think you should put the pedal to the medal in that Toyota.

   Ok Facebook since you're so damn nosey, What's on YOUR mind?

   never works on computers for free. I may or may not install well hidden software packages that harvest your emails, passwords and keystrokes. The odds of that happening are directly proportional to how much cash you pay. Cash or gossip, you pay.

   How to eat an Oreo: First you twist it...... Oh it broke...

   yesterdays is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is your gift, live it fully....

   the one who told him that you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that he had in February of last year.

   Dont wish For a Happy ending It means Something has to end

   Good morning I see the assasins failed

   Sometimes life is hell. But hey! Whatever gets the marshmallows toasty.

   trying to put my m&m's in alphabetical order...

   saw his shadow today! Not really sure what this could mean as far as the duration of winter goes...but very excited about the possibilities. :)

   actually an antidepressant... X must be taken every night before bedtime... But X may cause lightheadeness, a sense of euphoria, and an incontrollable urge to repeat the word yes... X is not for everyone... Ask your doctor if X is right for you...

   i do what I please and I please who I do.