Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.

   Shot my first turkey yesterday. . scared the $hit out of everyone in the frozen food section... It was awsome!!!

   I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

   Dear Obama: a little diaper logic for you. If it stinks, change it....but you aren't supposed to replace it with another sh*tty one!!!

   WARNING: If you get an email or Facebook message titled "Nude photo of Nancy Pelosi," DO NOT OPEN IT! ...It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi.

   thinks that Obama may just get into the Guiness Book of World records for "Most People Screwed in a Single Day"...

   A smile is like tight underwear ... it makes your cheeks go up

   life is a book.with .many chapters some are hard to get through some are easy but you have to keep turning the page to get to the next adventure..

   .....why does bottled water have a use by date on it if it's been trickling down mountains for hundreds of years???

   there should be an International STFU Day. One day that you can tell anyone who's annoying you to just SHUT THE F**K Up! Without consequence.

   our finger prints last forever on the people we touch

   3 interviews lined up...woot woot, and they say there's no jobs!

   Not ALL Americans are upset about this Healthcare bill, but we are TIRED of all the unneccessary insults and complaining without any solutions. You can't complain if you don't have a solution. SIMPLY PUT! At least SOMETHING was done!

   ...Can someone to tell me why there is braille on drive thru ATM machines. Am I missing something here??

   It would make your mother proud if you could NOT, walk, talk, spell, and wear your damn pants like you were raised by a rap video your whole life.

   You ever wonder what the person on the other side of the mirror is wondering about you?

   When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets

   You can do a thousand GOOD things and a a hundred GREAT things. But if you do just one BAD thing, people will remember you for that.

   WHY DO OLD PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEY GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, BUT YOUNG PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEIR DAYS ARE LIMITED....?

   never made a fool of any guy that I dated. But then again, I the guys I dated were the "do it yourself" types.