santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Santa calls me a Ho three times when he sees me. Like he knows me or somethin...
←Rate | 12-08-2010 16:59 by @Torren_T Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a telemarketer calls give the phone to your 3 yr old, and tell them its Santa Clause
←Rate | 11-22-2011 18:33 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour...
←Rate | 12-18-2013 22:37 by EF Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about partaking in the secret santa at work means I can finally give one special lady the mustache trimmer she so desperately needs.
←Rate | 11-25-2011 16:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors.
←Rate | 12-13-2010 00:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...little boy writes to Santa: please send me a sister. Santa writes to little boy: ok, send me your mother.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 11:30 by mickeybruce Comments (2)  


   messageicon An office Christmas party is not a good time to ask the boss for a raise. Wait until the next day when you have pictures.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 15:17 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Won a $50 gift card to Chili's at Christmas raffle. In other news, decided my secret santa is getting a $14.37 gift card to Chili's for Christmas.
←Rate | 12-16-2011 17:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so nice having my family around for the holidays. It really makes me appreciate their absence the rest of the year.
←Rate | 12-30-2011 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time to go out and pretend I'm putting up Christmas lights I never took down from last year.
←Rate | 10-29-2011 14:39 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear retail stores. August 21st is too damn early for Christmas decorations. Take them down. Now.
←Rate | 08-21-2013 09:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Santa put me in charge of the naughty list this year. So if you have been naughty inbox me so we can talk about your punishment and gift.
←Rate | 11-09-2012 01:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't get "drunk" during the holidays I get "festive".
←Rate | 12-09-2013 14:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is the official day for guys to start Christmas shopping!!!!
←Rate | 12-23-2014 11:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term 'Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
←Rate | 12-03-2016 16:22 by McFazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls just wanna have fun? Yeah right, just try and not get her a Christmas present and see where that gets ya.
←Rate | 12-17-2010 20:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Christmas for the last 15 years, I've been too drunk to remember the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, enough is enough. It's time to get my act together. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 19:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I noticed that every time I hear that Christmas song about nuts roasting on an open fire, my testicles move into a defensive formation.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:35 Comments (0)  




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