Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5996 of 6370
Peter Griffin doesn't look so stupid now with his volcano insurance.
My friend just introduced me to a Money Making Scheme that guarantees a 100% payout. It's called a job.
I should have taken the red pill. Damn.
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04-18-2010 17:56 by @pipsiae
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Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb
You know what really gets on my nerves? Skin.
used to be an aethist. Then I found out I am God....
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04-18-2010 16:08 by samdave69
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Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and asks, "Where?"...
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04-18-2010 15:15 by Scott
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I was injured tap dancing. Broke my ankle when I fell into the sink.
Every time I step on my scale, it reads ERR. I think it's trying to change the subject.
What's the right age to tell a highway he was adopted? Wont be long til he realizes he doesn't look anything like me
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04-18-2010 13:54 by Vito
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Mary had a little lamb the doctor fainted
no one asked you what you think but its nice to know that you do!
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04-18-2010 09:59
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-- People often offer me incentives to quit smoking such as ......"Think of all the money you'd save".........Surely that'd just be the money i'd need to survive my longer life ?...
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04-18-2010 09:24 by Y.P
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Still in bed, the kid asked me to come downstairs... said he wanted to show me something "totally awesome." If it's not a bacon tower, I'm gonna be pissed.
if a funeral possession is at night, do people drive with their lights off???
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04-18-2010 08:28
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"Gaga" = A Form Of Dodge Ball ..... Lady Gaga = Lesbian ..... Lesbian = Literally Dodges Balls ... Coincedence ? ... I think Not !
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04-18-2010 04:44
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If God is inside us, then I hope he likes enchiladas
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04-18-2010 04:40 by MG
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When did I realize I was God? Well I was praying, and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
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04-18-2010 04:38 by MG
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has been kidnapped by her bed, don't worry - should be able to break free in the morning ;)
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04-18-2010 02:57 by Bindi
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Why was the blonde angry when she got her driver's license? Because she couldn't believe she had an F in sex.