Vito Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A horse told me not to drive home last night.I think there was a cop on top of it.
←Rate | 04-02-2010 13:13 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my neighbors dont tone it down a little bit, I am going to have to change my WiFi network name to "I can hear you having sex".
←Rate | 03-04-2010 00:08 by Vito Comments (1)  


   messageicon I can't wait to go home and rip off my ex-girl friend's underwear!! They have been giving me wedgies all day
←Rate | 06-17-2010 19:04 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish the rest of me was as tan as my left arm
←Rate | 05-26-2010 15:04 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I had more middle fingers.
←Rate | 07-23-2010 23:25 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep hitting the "escape" key...but I'm still here
←Rate | 05-16-2010 22:58 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me...It's Sunday.
←Rate | 10-11-2009 16:40 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, Because I'm trying to examine you.
←Rate | 01-16-2010 23:03 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hoarders is on tonite. I like that show because it makes me feel like I'm tidy
←Rate | 03-08-2010 21:23 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
←Rate | 04-17-2010 17:43 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tonite I feel like drinking until it looks like Jim Joyce made the right call.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 18:07 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon So it turns out that "The Love Shack" does, indeed, turn up on your bank statement.
←Rate | 03-25-2010 00:29 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon This weekends forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out
←Rate | 08-01-2009 13:27 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could delete all the cookies I ate last night
←Rate | 07-23-2010 23:22 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to my nipples, I'm freezing!
←Rate | 07-23-2010 23:22 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heading out to do laundry with a roll of quarters in my pocket. I hope I dont run into anyone I am happy to see.
←Rate | 03-08-2010 21:53 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had Mexican for dinner last night and just used a BP restroom. Let's just say we're almost even.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 20:23 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon Help! My Chia Pet is sick and I'm not sure if I should bring it to the Vet or the Florist?
←Rate | 01-07-2010 23:40 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't find Sesame Street on his GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
←Rate | 06-25-2009 00:35 by Vito Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just busted my Gold Fish smoking seaweed. No wonder he was always hungry and paranoid.
←Rate | 01-10-2010 00:35 by Vito Comments (0)  


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