Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   One bad cop became the cure for Corona. Who knew?

   I accidentally filled the Escort with diesel....she died

   If the Wuhan lab had been in Vegas we wouldn't have to worry about this virus cause what happen in vegas stays in vegas

   Pretending that looters, rioters, assaulters and arsonists are "peaceful protesters" does not make you look like a sympathizer. It makes you look like an id!ot..

   It's a five minute walk from my home to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering...

   Well… This is one way to get Mexico to build that wall

   Too bad Freddie Mercury was a fl@mer. He could've had any 67 year old woman in the northeastern US.

   The only thing worse than not getting a joke, is being offended by one.

   All the major casinos are complaining about how much money they’ve lost. Now they know how we feel!!

   The wife asked me to sell my Hall and Oates collection. I said I can’t go for that, no can do.

   My paperless origami business folded.

   Does anyone know if they have early morning looting hours for us seniors?

   Dems are more upset at Trump for walking to St. John’s church than they are at looters for trying to burn it down.

   Q. What's in the toilet of the USS Enterprise? A. The Captain's log.

   I broke up with my girlfriend. She has leprosy and I got tired of picking up after her.

   You know. The world would be a happier place if everyone had the same sense of humor as the guy who named his supermarket chain Piggly Wiggly.

   Will the last person to leave NY remember to bring a pizza?

   I've come to the conclusion that my Alexa is just another pet by how often I have to tell her no every day.

   I can't believe it's riot season already. I still have my COVID19 decorations up.

   Remember when the dumbest thing Trump had ever said was COVFEFE... good times ...