Gabe Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You'd be surprised at how quick Lowe's employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw...
←Rate | 10-11-2019 09:10 by Gabe Comments (1)  


   messageicon Adulting is putting back a pack of chicken for $8.58 because you see one for $8.17...
←Rate | 11-07-2019 11:11 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a gender reveal party yesterday and was immediately told to put my clothes back on...
←Rate | 10-29-2019 09:00 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course I'm am an organ donor. Who wouldn't want a piece of this!?
←Rate | 06-04-2019 17:06 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I discovered that growing up in the '60's was more fun than being in my 60's...
←Rate | 05-26-2019 20:11 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon About to pull these steaks off the grill. It's my neighbor's grill, but he went inside and I don't think he can see me...
←Rate | 01-20-2020 09:01 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon The circumference of a pumpkin divided by it's diameter = pumpkin pi...
←Rate | 10-20-2018 16:59 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon No need for me to storm Area 51... I've been to Walmart...
←Rate | 07-19-2019 10:06 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazon just broke up with New York... on Valentine's Day...
←Rate | 02-14-2019 15:12 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I put my car in neutral at stoplights and roll back a little so people will think I drive a manual...
←Rate | 11-03-2018 16:14 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon After visiting the gov't healthcare site, I don't know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
←Rate | 10-05-2013 10:54 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon So. I don't see you for months and now you pop up and expect me to take care of you?? OK, fine. I'll start up the mower....stupid grass...
←Rate | 03-31-2012 12:49 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do crunches twice a day now. Captain in the morning and Nestle in the afternoon...
←Rate | 01-16-2020 14:09 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon In World Cup news, the England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6...
←Rate | 06-14-2014 13:33 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, that came out wrong... I am giving up. Drinking for a month.
←Rate | 12-22-2019 15:13 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want so bad to post a Kim and Kanye joke, but it would be off color and in the wrong direction...
←Rate | 06-22-2013 10:51 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gov't shutdown? Yippee! I'm collecting rainwater for my garden before they reopen and fine me!!
←Rate | 01-20-2018 09:53 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 13:21 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My lunch is packed... thermos full of coffee, have a change of clothes, have my laptop and phone...... Headed to Starbucks for the day!! I'd bring something back for you guys but I'm broke...
←Rate | 05-30-2018 09:46 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently both Bill and Hillary like private servers...
←Rate | 03-11-2015 11:29 by Gabe Comments (0)  




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