Gabe Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:45 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Out of all my body parts, my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 300 times a day...
←Rate | 06-18-2020 13:05 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I drive more safely when there's food in the passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there...
←Rate | 06-05-2020 08:17 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
←Rate | 07-12-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started homeschooling today. So far two students are suspended and the teacher was fired for drinking on the job...
←Rate | 03-18-2020 09:32 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Becoming skinny this summer is cancelled due to the virus. Pass the cupcakes...
←Rate | 03-27-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't come to me for advice. We'll just end up at the liquor store...
←Rate | 09-10-2020 12:20 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'd be surprised at how quick Lowe's employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw...
←Rate | 10-11-2019 09:10 by Gabe Comments (1)  


   messageicon Walmart is asking customers to wear masks. Good luck with that. They can't even get them to wear pants...
←Rate | 04-27-2020 13:30 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never know if I have free time or if I just keep forgetting stuff...
←Rate | 02-19-2020 11:07 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looks like Bloomberg got stopped and frisked during the debate...
←Rate | 02-20-2020 08:26 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me 9am, "I think I'll make roasted chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner."... Me 5pm, "Hi, I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza for delivery..."
←Rate | 07-13-2020 18:58 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't believe everything you read in public toilets. Sharon is not up for a good time. What an awkward phone call that was...
←Rate | 06-16-2020 08:58 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adulting is putting back a pack of chicken for $8.58 because you see one for $8.17...
←Rate | 11-07-2019 11:11 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course I'm am an organ donor. Who wouldn't want a piece of this!?
←Rate | 06-04-2019 17:06 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh I can walk the walk. Just don't ask me to jog the jog or run the run...
←Rate | 02-20-2020 18:44 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Based on the amount of laundry I do, I'm pretty sure there are people living here that I haven't met yet...
←Rate | 08-17-2020 08:24 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon About to pull these steaks off the grill. It's my neighbor's grill, but he went inside and I don't think he can see me...
←Rate | 01-20-2020 09:01 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon No need for me to storm Area 51... I've been to Walmart...
←Rate | 07-19-2019 10:06 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a gender reveal party yesterday and was immediately told to put my clothes back on...
←Rate | 10-29-2019 09:00 by Gabe Comments (0)  




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