Gabe Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The circumference of a pumpkin divided by it's diameter = pumpkin pi...
←Rate | 10-20-2018 16:59 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazon just broke up with New York... on Valentine's Day...
←Rate | 02-14-2019 15:12 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I put my car in neutral at stoplights and roll back a little so people will think I drive a manual...
←Rate | 11-03-2018 16:14 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon After visiting the gov't healthcare site, I don't know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
←Rate | 10-05-2013 10:54 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon So. I don't see you for months and now you pop up and expect me to take care of you?? OK, fine. I'll start up the mower....stupid grass...
←Rate | 03-31-2012 12:49 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon In World Cup news, the England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6...
←Rate | 06-14-2014 13:33 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want so bad to post a Kim and Kanye joke, but it would be off color and in the wrong direction...
←Rate | 06-22-2013 10:51 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gov't shutdown? Yippee! I'm collecting rainwater for my garden before they reopen and fine me!!
←Rate | 01-20-2018 09:53 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 13:21 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My lunch is packed... thermos full of coffee, have a change of clothes, have my laptop and phone...... Headed to Starbucks for the day!! I'd bring something back for you guys but I'm broke...
←Rate | 05-30-2018 09:46 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently both Bill and Hillary like private servers...
←Rate | 03-11-2015 11:29 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got the kids Frozen yesterday... and the sperm bank only charged me $100 for doing it...
←Rate | 09-05-2015 08:30 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My trust issues first started when my mom said "Come here, I'm not gonna hit you"...
←Rate | 03-02-2019 08:56 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey! There's a new 90 minute comedy/variety show that starts tonight at 9pm! I believe it's called 'Fun with Mitt and Barack'... I don't know though, bet it gets cancelled after 3 shows...
←Rate | 10-03-2012 15:06 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know you don't need a parachute to skydive? You only need a parachute if you want to skydive twice...
←Rate | 06-20-2018 23:03 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the CIA had a secret compound at Gitmo named "Strawberry Fields"? "Poppy Fields" would be a more appropriate name...
←Rate | 11-26-2013 15:39 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm. I gave her the glue stick by mistake. She's still not talking to me...
←Rate | 02-28-2019 16:34 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If everyday is a gift then today was socks...
←Rate | 10-27-2015 20:38 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, Los Angeles wants Meatless Monday... and probably followed by Tater Tot Tuesday and Weinerless Wednesday...
←Rate | 11-15-2012 20:54 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my passwords are protected by amnesia...
←Rate | 11-19-2014 19:07 by Gabe Comments (0)  



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