Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5969 of 6370
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
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04-28-2010 13:37 by Aaron
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Dear AT&T Wireless, Thanks for transferring me to nine different agents with nine different accents...I am exhausted from this world-wide tour.
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04-28-2010 13:33 by BP
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I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
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04-28-2010 13:26 by jz
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"NO STRAW...STUPID McDONALDS DRIVE-THRU JA..oh there it is.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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04-28-2010 13:06 by jz
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
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04-28-2010 13:05 by jz
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The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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04-28-2010 13:03 by jz
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How do you identify Dolly Parton's children at a party? They're the ones with stretch marks around their mouths.
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04-28-2010 12:37
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calling the Secretary of State to notify them he will no longer be carrying an ID; People should know who he is!
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04-28-2010 11:59 by Sammy
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Turning his beds into bunk beds so that there is more room for activities
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04-28-2010 11:52 by one
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Shh! You never know who's listening....(although if you have a wireless microphone from a tv news station clipped to you, you should at least suspect that someone's listening)
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04-28-2010 11:51 by Craneman
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....if you watch too much TV and become fat as a result, does that make you a TeleTubby?
if quitters never win and winners never quit.....who is the idiot that came up with quit while you're ahead?
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04-28-2010 10:26 by Dmerc
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my penis is so big that if I layed it out on a keyboard it would go from A to Z......wait! SH*T!
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04-28-2010 10:23 by Dmerc
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APPARENTLY, when watching children, it's 'bad' to throw scraps of food and water down on the floor so they can fend for themselves. I don't really understand the problem since I tied they're leashes to the table leg so nothing bad would happen!!!
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04-28-2010 10:13
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Just hired an body guard from an African tribe untouched by civilization.....not sure what he's doin but my friends keep disappearing.......But these steaks he makes are AWESOME!!!!
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04-28-2010 09:41 by Shanester
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my daughter asked me, who is that boy on American Idol? I said his name is Ellen Degeneres
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04-28-2010 09:13
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south africa is the only country that will host a world even in a sport they cant play
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04-28-2010 08:32
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Telling my nephew that leprechauns store their gold in electrical sockets and that he'd need a fork to get it out probably wasn't a good idea.
-- Liking your own facebook status is like a bloke congratulating his hand after a w**k!
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04-28-2010 07:39 by Y.P
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