Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Thanks, but I think I'll pass on clicking on your link that scans all my personal facebook information into some unknown database to tell me what color my aura is.

   You're the only one - Valentine's Day cards on sale 2 for $5

   Dove chocolates taste way better than their soap

   Had one of those DNA test done. Turns out I'm related to Adam and Eve.

   F-book has gone from a social media platform, to an entity bent on 'protecting' people from the truth.

   Going thru my friends list and deleting every 5th person because statistically speaking, they have an STD.

   Happy Valintimes, as I love you more then I can express on a website sent by means of a plastic artificial intelligence device <3

   I think we have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?

   I don't care if you like Trump, just don't be like him and hate all non white races.

   $300.00 to buy a ticket to see Rage Against the Machine makes me think that they now are the machine.

   I'm on this new diet. I only eat after my wife agrees to sex. So far I've lost 72lbs.

   Cops just left. They said if I want to walk around my house naked, I have to do it inside...

   Now that Valentine's Day is over and cake candy and flowers are 50% off, if anyone's interested I'm single!

   Happy singles awareness day everyone!

   I avoided the fat little chubby kid with wings carrying a weapon and marking myself safe after The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre.

   If you didn't have a significant other on Valentine's Day but still hoping to meet someone, go mingle around the 50 to 70% off candy section.

   Hooters is not closing per se. It's going strictly delivery. It's changing its name to "Knockers"...

   I'm so old I remember when Amazon dating used to be called a mail order bride.

   Can you guys give me the names of some famous athletes and prisoners? I'm making a pros and cons list.

   Funny thing about folks in Daytona...they hardly ever go to their beach, and complain when other folks do.