Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon was pulled over and arrested for DUI. They police said my blood/awesome level was 10x over the legal limit.
←Rate | 06-16-2009 21:38 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon the reason Oprah is fat...
←Rate | 06-16-2009 20:03 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering, if you get Mickey Mouse ears at Disney World, what do you get at Dollywood?
←Rate | 06-16-2009 18:43 by Kevin Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's only two types of people who are against drinking: the people who never drink... and the people who really suck at drinking.
←Rate | 06-16-2009 17:44 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon when I'm in the shower I look down there and think to myself, "Either it's really small... or I have really gigantic legs."
←Rate | 06-16-2009 17:43 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon has a 'get-rich-slow' scheme... and it's working perfectly!
←Rate | 06-16-2009 17:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not sure if I want the government stimulating my package.... Will Michelle Obama be in the room?
←Rate | 06-16-2009 17:42 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I wonder what became of the imaginary friend I had as a kid... Did he go to imaginary college? Is he married to an imaginary woman or have imaginary kids? I should google his punk ass...
←Rate | 06-16-2009 17:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon say Jesus loves you... He only likes me as a friend, though.
←Rate | 06-16-2009 17:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon suffers from compulsive-indecisive disorder. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.
←Rate | 06-16-2009 17:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon more frustrated than Muhammad Ali trying to play "Operation"
←Rate | 06-16-2009 16:25 by Alex R | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon smiling cause the little voices inside his/her head is whispering again and it tickles
←Rate | 06-16-2009 13:47 by Tyler | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon browsing my facebook friends naked.
←Rate | 06-16-2009 12:23 by thewayne Comments (0)  

   messageicon says it's been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom....
←Rate | 06-16-2009 12:19 by Ron Comments (0)  

   messageicon says his ambition in life is to turn no into yes!
←Rate | 06-16-2009 11:30 by Mike | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon has found out how to insult people using poetry terms, like you, you oxymoron!
←Rate | 06-15-2009 23:47 by Lee | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon a paranoid schitizophrenic, I think I'm following myself.
←Rate | 06-15-2009 23:24 by Speck Comments (0)  

   messageicon more things to do today than Micheal J. Fox could shake a stick at.
←Rate | 06-15-2009 20:57 by The FRED | Tags: Filtered Comments (4)  

   messageicon wondering if when French people swear, do they say excuse my English
←Rate | 06-15-2009 20:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon got up this morning and went to work at Chuckie Cheeses'....fml
←Rate | 06-15-2009 20:16 by afroking | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

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