Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Realized that going to McDonalds for a salad has the temptation equivalent of going to a brothel for a hug.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 18:42 by Ashden Ra§ | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesnt want to die, not because he is afraid of death but because he is worried about all the crap people will find on his computer when hes gone.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 18:35 by Ashden Ras Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's better?..A hot woman drinking more than you or that same woman buying you drinks?
←Rate | 09-21-2009 16:56 by Danmanz | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon if youre gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 16:07 by Mackie Ahart Comments (0)  

   messageicon Milton's stapler!
←Rate | 09-21-2009 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks 'friends with benefits' should came with a health care package..
←Rate | 09-21-2009 15:04 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon can cure Narcolepsy just by walking into the Room
←Rate | 09-21-2009 15:01 by Vitamin N | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all of her friends?!
←Rate | 09-21-2009 15:01 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon feels like something funny is gonna happen...I'm sitting next to a blackman, whiteman and a chineseman. I'm just waiting on the punchline!
←Rate | 09-21-2009 09:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon now regrets his attempt to see how many bananas he could eat in 10 mins
←Rate | 09-21-2009 08:34 by Kal-El | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 04:03 by DD | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon || You have one advantage over me. You can kiss my ass, I can't.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 03:57 by DD | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you always stop to smell the roses, sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
←Rate | 09-21-2009 03:18 by DD Comments (0)  

   messageicon me+alcohol+nintendo64=profanity out the ass
←Rate | 09-20-2009 22:39 by that guy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey dude... There's your car!
←Rate | 09-20-2009 21:20 by Kal-El Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishes you were beer
←Rate | 09-20-2009 20:20 by LB Comments (0)  

   messageicon would like to observe a moment of silence for all the innocent brain cells that lost their lives over the weekend.
←Rate | 09-20-2009 20:20 by LB Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks if ballrina's were jusy a little taller, they wouln't have to dance on their tippy toe's as much!
←Rate | 09-20-2009 12:07 by Lazlow Thrust Comments (0)  

   messageicon One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, but the third one's arm was too short to reach.
←Rate | 09-20-2009 10:23 by lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? Its not hard.
←Rate | 09-20-2009 10:20 by lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

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