Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 5833 of 5939

   messageicon duct tape is like violence: If it's not working, you're not using enough of it.
←Rate | 08-06-2009 19:36 by CoderDemon Comments (0)  


   messageicon has blown it! He was caught sifting mud from his trouser leg and it's back to the can for me. You probably won't hear from me for a few weeks. Goodbye (and good luck with tunnel B)
←Rate | 08-06-2009 18:29 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon sorry he was late, but had a penalty shoot-out with the ghost of a flea!
←Rate | 08-06-2009 18:13 by deithy | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks the hackers should've tried a little harder when trying to remove Twitter from this universe
←Rate | 08-06-2009 16:24 by Dragon-King | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon keeps gettin' richer, but he can't get his picture .........on the cover of the Rolling Stone!!
←Rate | 08-06-2009 16:04 by ICN | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon amazed that my 2 yr old can open more "child proof" things than I can... :S
←Rate | 08-06-2009 15:24 by Grace | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon uses the lyrics from a top piece of music and interpersed it into my status. It just goes to show you what a Big Fat Phooney I am!
←Rate | 08-06-2009 15:22 by Deithy | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon poking you with a spork !
←Rate | 08-06-2009 15:16 by Deithy | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders why is the iphone called so when eveybody has it.
←Rate | 08-06-2009 15:08 by pz | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon says love is very deep but sex is just one inch deep
←Rate | 08-06-2009 15:01 by pz | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks if he were a fighter pilot, his call sign would have to be "Hot Wings".
←Rate | 08-06-2009 14:57 by Ron | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks he is going to adopt an African child, but he isn't going to be like Angelina Jolie and just adopt willy nilly, if he goes over there, he is coming back with a wide receiver or running back.
←Rate | 08-06-2009 14:31 by Ron | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon currently practicing one inch punch on an innocent colleague.
←Rate | 08-06-2009 12:48 by saleh mahmood | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon tired of counting down to the next weekend or vacation so.... only 8,245 days until retirement Woohoo!!
←Rate | 08-06-2009 09:19 by jennifer | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon moving with his auntie and uncle in bel-air
←Rate | 08-06-2009 08:33 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can always get more with a kind word and a 2-by-4 than with just a kind word
←Rate | 08-05-2009 22:29 by Randy S | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon celebrates diversity by watching porn with lesbians, midgets and a bit of black on white action!
←Rate | 08-05-2009 18:10 by Deithy | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon $19.95 plus shipping & handling
←Rate | 08-05-2009 17:56 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon likes huge ( . )Y( . )
←Rate | 08-05-2009 16:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering what the weather's like in India. I think i'll call my bank.
←Rate | 08-05-2009 15:48 by lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left