love Funny Status Messages

   Although I love food, I don't consider myself to be a "Foodie." I'm more along the lines of a glutton.

   Love with no expectations in return and you will know how to love yourself more than anyone could in this screwed up world.

   Dear Slut, Maybe if you closed your legs and opened your heart you might actually find true love and know happiness.

   Twilight. A love triangle between a mentally handicapped girl, a disco ball, and a hairy pedophile.

   You know you love someone when you talk to them on the phone while you're on the toilet

   i love how men mock women for being overemotional and then lose their sh1t over a team losing an over-glorified game of fetch

   Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real

   A "Duck Dynasty" musical is in the works. It's predicted to be very popular with fans of "Duck Dynasty" who also love musical theater. In other words, nobody. Actors who audition should be proficient in singing, dancing, and hiding their sexual orientatio

   Why is it that a woman can get a tattoo of a naked fairy sitting on a half moon and its sexy, but when a guy gets a naked wizard making love to a dragon its creepy?

   I love when you go down on me! you relieve so much stress and tension but when I feel it getting good you go back up.... DAMN GAS PRICES!

   If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. And if they refuse to be let go, get a restraining order.

   OK, here's how it's going to be....Love me or leave me...understand? Hold on.....wait.....hey....where's everybody going??

   "Love me. Love me more. More. More. More! Damn you over did it, bye!" - Women

   I LOVE my new x rated -GPS "Ahhh right there! Yes! Yes! Right there! Don't stop!!"

   Boy: "How can I prove that I love you?" Girl: "Stop playing video games”.....Boy: "Get the fu*k out"

   Two red blood cells met and fell in love. But alas,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, it was in vein.

   I love the stick figure family's on your car windows they let me know how many garbage bags to bring to the murder.

   I love to go shopping and freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I'd like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium.”

   "I love my cable company! Their customer service and pricing can't be beat! I'm glad I have no other options!" said no one ever.

   I don't love with my heart...I love with my imagination.