Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember Jesus died for our sins, so if you aren't sinning, he died in vain.

   No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.

   It's a sad state of affairs when most Americans don't know... Separation of church and state is not in the Constitution.

   Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday .. :)

   accidently jerked himself off at church today

   This is who I am , good points and faults . Take it or leave it and i`m not going to worry what you think about me , accept me or delete me , your choice

   supports the "Obama Is Too Damn High Party"!!!

   homework: this is your last warning, if you keep coming here I'm filing a restraint order

   Confucius say, "Elevator smell different to midget."

   Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween and handed out candy..........

   so really..what was Meatloaf talking about when he sang he'll do anything for love, but he wont do that?

   Yo Kanye, I'm really happy for you, I'll let you finish, but Lil Jon has one of the best grills of all time. One of the best grills of all time!

   Did anyone notice something about Kanye West this week? Yeah, the fool replaced his bottom teeth with diamonds. DIAMONDS. So instead of a loud-mouth retard, he's a loud-mouth retard that sparkles.

   If I have a erection lasting 4 hours i'm not calling a doctor...I'm calling a film crew!

   Great....you discovered youtube. Now, can you quit flooding the newsfeed with the 200 videos you wish to share!!!

   "Now, how's he gonna read that magazine all rolled up like that?"... thought the spider.

   I'm sorry Baby, that's gravity. I can't help it that I'm physically attracted to you

   I just wish my mouth had a backspace key....

   You know its trouble when your farts pass warm....

   It's amazing how you can smell so bad, an still be alive.. .