Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5255 of 6370
why do all the new smartphones have porn on them? Who in their right mind is out in public thinking, "ya know i'd really like to jerk off right now"?
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01-18-2011 09:33 by dopey420
Comments (3)
pretty sure that "Can't we just be friends?" means --> "I just wanna use you, like some kind of emotional tampon 3 to 5 days a month, with no strings attached..."
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01-18-2011 09:26 by M.A.C.
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Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror.
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01-18-2011 08:57 by Scott
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Bad decisions always make for really good stories........and I always seem to have a LOT of really good stories....
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01-18-2011 08:54 by scottyp
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She turned me into a newt! But I got better.
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01-18-2011 08:38
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snowed inn with his family a loaf of bread and 3 fish...uh what was that recipe again Jesus?
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01-18-2011 07:53 by L
Comments (2)
misses the days when someone could watch an actual music video on MTV. I also miss the days when we didn't have to watch a 60 sec ad that loads oh so fast, but what the video we want to watch will take another 3 minutes.
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01-18-2011 05:14
Comments (1)
I'm alone by choice, but your alone by being yourself!
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01-18-2011 04:33
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Relationships are like farts, if you push to hard, things could get messy!
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01-18-2011 04:06 by Hassan
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I'm not saying you're a D!ck but Brett Favre just texted me your picture.
Has anyone ever realized what a klepto the little mermaid was...? Kids, it's okay to steal things as long as you keep them in your hidden cave, and sing about them.
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01-18-2011 01:31 by T.Taylor
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just turned water into kool-aid. Your move Jesus
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01-18-2011 01:19
Comments (6)
I'm gonna assume my sisters email got hacked and that she has not really resorted to becoming a penis pump sales person..
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01-18-2011 00:34 by danny
Comments (2)
did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite.. all he wanted to do was Eat, Drink and be Mary
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01-18-2011 00:24 by Lors
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This year we will experience 4 unusual dates.... 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 ......... NOW go figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year and it WILL EQUAL .... 111!
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01-18-2011 00:21 by Red R
Comments (16)
It's not that I hate you, it's just.. well i'll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I'd drink i
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01-17-2011 23:17
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♪♫♫♪Accept the Poke. THAT'S IT. Then Poke me back, Game over. Then I can Poke you, then Poke me back. And were done. That's it, That's all I want. Then I'll Poke you again, and you Poke me back. Poke Me Back♫♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♪♫
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01-17-2011 22:55 by Rachael
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pretty sure I just ate a record setting amount of Rice Krispies!
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01-17-2011 22:50 by Hot Tea
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My hats off to the Jets. They made Tom Brady look like Greg Brady.
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01-17-2011 22:46
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My other facebook wall has a scenic view.
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01-17-2011 21:05
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