Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you think your job stinks, think about the kid that cleans the bathroom at Taco Bell

   Megyn Kelly said "Jesus and Santa Claus are white" well if they weren't they live in Detroit and East St. Louis!

   Obama and Jerry Jones need to get together and figure out what they are doing wrong with America and America's Team.

   The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.

   I had my first gay experience today. I washed the dishes.

   Its not my fault I have a double-chin...when God was giving out chins..I thought he said Gin so I said I'll have a double.

   A country song,,, but for how bad country music is.

   Cant believe why jews didn't come up with "my mind on my money and my money on my mind."

   atheists only exist cause they haven't tasted this grilled cheese I just made.

   If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

   first comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring and finally the suffering

   making love to your pregnant wife is like putting gas in a car you've already wrecked.

   if Americans took all that energy they spend insulting bieber and snooki and diverted it to the gym am sure you would be much happier and skinny

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

   knows is all. I just cant remember it all at once!

   if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even

   wonders why there is no swine flu in Iran and asks if it is because of veils or not

   Help me, My stomach is eating my throat.......this is a job for pizza man....

   wondering did someone ever give Sean Paul the light

   WTF? You look like you've been slapped by the Devil....!!!