Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So boxing was Zimmerman's hobby? Yet he let some teenager who was 15 or whatever years younger than him maul him to the point where he screamed like a little girl and had to shoot him? Ok.

   happy 4/20 ......smoke it if you got it

   Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

   Casey Anthony must be a slut, it took 12 people to get her off..

   It was so hot today I had to stick my head in the oven just to cool off...

   Found my halloween costume and I'm  trying it out by walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper 

   menstruation.menopause.mental breakdowns...ever notice how all womens problems begin with men?

   DONALD TRUMP proving that you don't need to be poor to be white trash.

   getting Jiggy with it!

   If your parents ever call you a liar, just say "Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa". Then walk away like a BOSS!

   A vampire goes into a bar and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea".

   dont forget to turn your clocks back this weekend, i'm turning mine back to 1970 when we had no illegal immigrants

   Women are like alarm clocks. They won't shut up until you hit them.

   Corvette....Helping men compensate for small wieners since 1953.

   I would worship God, even if there's no Heaven.

   Iphones, so people know you're a douche bag with out having to say it

   Big girls dont cry (They eat)

   7 things I look for in a girl: Beautiful Intelligent Gentle Thoughtful Innocent Trustworthy Sensible. ;)

   puts the fun in funeral

   Heaven won't take me and hell's afraid I'll take over