Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5012 of 6446

DONALD TRUMP proving that you don't need to be poor to be white trash.
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11-25-2015 13:07
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getting Jiggy with it!
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03-02-2009 17:28
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If your parents ever call you a liar, just say "Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa". Then walk away like a BOSS!
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11-15-2011 20:29
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A vampire goes into a bar and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea".
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05-19-2011 14:12 by Weeble
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dont forget to turn your clocks back this weekend, i'm turning mine back to 1970 when we had no illegal immigrants
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03-29-2010 10:40
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Women are like alarm clocks. They won't shut up until you hit them.
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08-16-2013 09:43 by fadolo
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Corvette....Helping men compensate for small wieners since 1953.
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07-13-2013 09:34
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I would worship God, even if there's no Heaven.
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08-22-2013 02:13
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Iphones, so people know you're a douche bag with out having to say it
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09-08-2012 15:37
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Big girls dont cry (They eat)

7 things I look for in a girl: Beautiful Intelligent Gentle Thoughtful Innocent Trustworthy Sensible. ;)

puts the fun in funeral
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12-03-2009 11:48 by trini
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Heaven won't take me and hell's afraid I'll take over
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12-19-2009 19:16 by TAJ
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Ok, so now I have my coal in the pressure cooker....How long will this take?
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12-25-2009 20:02 by mike
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It took a movie like Blindside and Jesse James' cheating ways for Sandra Bullock to decide to adopt a black baby.
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04-30-2010 15:57 by Danmanz
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The Twilight Saga is a lot like the World Cup! They run around for a few hours, no one scores and the fans say you have to watch it to understand.
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07-01-2010 00:55
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"Absolutely, sir. And what kind of pig would you like to hear?" (Real American, if he was in Deliverance)
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08-23-2010 08:19 by Tom
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During fireworks is the best time to shoot someone.
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08-18-2015 22:55
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Out of the 20 richest women in the world, only one did not inherit their money from their husband or father!
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10-09-2013 01:33
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NO alcohol...NO fun. KNOW alcohol...KNOW fun!
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06-29-2011 17:20 by Ryan D
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