Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just running a bath ... after that I may take the shower for a walk ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶

   people saymotivation doesnt last.well,neither does bathing-thats why we recommend it daily.

   not sure why I should care that Favre is saying he is finally going to retire. Really? Isn't like the 15 millionth time he's said as much? Hey Brett! Ever heard of the story about the boy who cried wolf?

   Brett Farve has announced his "retirement" once again, now tying Cher for most retirements in one career.

   I'm already deleting my drunk Facebook status updates, and it's not even tomorrow.

   Sometimes I wish I could just fast-forward through time, just to see if it's all worth it in relationship that we have..

   thinks Oscar the Grouch should have upsized and moved into the dumpster accross sesame street.

   always wondered why people with no teeth often buy the most expensive toothpaste.

   Rental advertising terminology: Cute=OMG, my closet is bigger than this. Charming=houses still had dirt floors when this was built. Close to transportation=right next to the railroad tracks. One month FREE=your neighbors are crackheads.

   shall not waste his days in trying to prolong them.

   confused...the system admin told me to 'have a little patients.' Does this mean I need to become a pediatrician?

   she touched the rainbow, she felt the rainbow n its nothin lik SKITTLES!!!!!!!

   Someone at work said to me, "Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend" I said, "Yes, I do, but don't tell my husband."

   One used and abused slightly broken heart for sale or trade for newer model

   Somebody called me a metrosexual today. What is that like a local term or something? Anyway I'm sitting there getting a pedicure reading Vogue..

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line???

   In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence

   Never tell a dyslexic to cop a feel. Either way, they'll get hurt.

   If your eyes are positive you would like all the people in the world.But if your tongue is positive all the people in the world like you.

   Success is a process... During that journey sometimes there are stones thrown at you, and you convert them into milestones