Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   she touched the rainbow, she felt the rainbow n its nothin lik SKITTLES!!!!!!!

   Someone at work said to me, "Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend" I said, "Yes, I do, but don't tell my husband."

   One used and abused slightly broken heart for sale or trade for newer model

   Somebody called me a metrosexual today. What is that like a local term or something? Anyway I'm sitting there getting a pedicure reading Vogue..

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line???

   In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence

   Never tell a dyslexic to cop a feel. Either way, they'll get hurt.

   If your eyes are positive you would like all the people in the world.But if your tongue is positive all the people in the world like you.

   Success is a process... During that journey sometimes there are stones thrown at you, and you convert them into milestones

   can make a mean bowl of cereal

   Osama was spotted on a street view image on google earth

   stop analyzing, criticizing, you should realize what I am & start epitomizing.

   don't talk to me in that tone of CAPITALS!

   Word: Drama Definition: a complete and total waste of my time.

   Like if you thought you hit "Tab" and you typed your password at the Username tab for everyone to see!

   I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose…and a panther. -Dwight Schrute

   Never take failure to your heart and success to your mind.

   This census and Tax stuff is crap. I want to live in a country that doesn't assign homework.

   wondering why buy grapes with seeds when the convenience of a seedless grape is right there

   i didnt realize how many amatuer meteorologist friends I have on facebook thanks for the 112 updates and photos of the floods ;)