Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Happy " My you natives have some nice land...allow us to bring you diseases and steal it all from you" Day.........

   🎶 I got in one little fight and my mum got scared, 🎶 she said You can't slap Chris Rock because your wife has no hair.

   at the book store I saw a book titiled "LEGACY FOR ALL" a record of Achievements by Black American Scientists..... not surprised that the book was only 27 pages thick.

   How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

   A LION NEVER LOOSES SLEEP OVER THE OPINIONS OF THE SHEEP.

   Cruises: Like being on house arrest with midnight buffets.

   while it's true that skinny girls freeze to death faster in the winter, it is also true that fat girls die alone.

   When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear

   if someone with parkinson's accepts your apology for making fun of them, is it wrong to ask them to shake on it? Just asking.

   Dear Northern Liberal tree huggers.......Winter Storm Nemo says FU and your global warming!!!

   I don't understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?

   My american dream is to live off medicaid, welfare and food stamps.. then I can spend all day on facebook ;)

   i think my Yogurts haunted ...... Paranormal Activia

   Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other, does this taste funny to you. . .

   If Peterson's kid didn't want to get spanked, then he shoudn't have misbehaved. He'll know better next time.

   FACT: In the Czech Republic, abortions are called cancelled Czechs

   On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me????

   It ain't over until Adele sings.

   Daughter: Dad I'm a lesbian Dad: ok it's cool 2nd daughter: I'm also a lesbian Dad: Does anyone in this family like *%#k? Son: I do!

   Why did Bella choose Edward instead of Jacob??? Cause Edward can still go down on her even if it's her time of the month