Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I met a girl the other day. She said it's a must for her mate to be into the arts. I told her I am very much into the arts... the art of beer drinking, the art of watching football, and the art of long walks on the beach after anal. 
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can't talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
How many rounds of the vaccine do you need before you can stop wearing the tinfoil hat?
That night in september 1945 if Mary Ann had only told Fred she had a headache, we all would be better off today.
Knock knock. Who's there? Weekend! Weekend who? 'We can end' working for a couple of days thank you very much!!!
Rose are red, violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.
KIϟϟ+ACϟDC=greatest bands of all time
President Obama just stepped out of the White House on this Presidents Day and seen his shadow. Looks like we're in for another year of bullshit....
Remember, if you don't sin Jesus died for nothing
USA lost many lives on 9-11-01 and Japan lost many lives on 3-10-11. Add the dates together and you get 12-21-12.
if a fat girl falls in the forest and nobody is there to see it ...... do the trees laugh?
Meh,,, I guess I'm not against Hillary Clinton taking a drug test?... I'm MORE concerned about the GOP taking a drug test for allowing Donald Trump to be the nominee.
find the gay person: ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ can't do it can you? it's cause their humans too.. stop hating, you look pathetic
I don't deliver to Trailer Parks. If your house is on wheels, you must have done something wrong. - SANTA CLAUS
The 5th of May. It's the only day Californians don't wake up to the sound of leaf blowers. 23 hours ago Comment Like
Feel bad for blind people. I mean, seriously, how do you know when to stop wiping?
Tump haters are haters of all true Americans. Elitist, cosmopolitan, pompous jerks. Get a job and get a life.
Hillary correctly predicted the rise of white supremacy under Donald Trump. Just saying....
Fighting on the internet is like the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.
To my Atheist friends: Who do you thank now that's Friday? 