Rick Funny Status Messages

   Don't let Madonna speak at my funeral please...

   All these people running around with masks on.... Made in China

   Mars rover "Curiousity" has landed and less an hour later, something has stole 2 rims off of it...

   I honestly never believed that whole story about Lance Armstrong walking on the moon.

   If elected President, I would give out free window tint to all those people who sit at traffic lights and insist on picking their nose..

   This just enforces the belief that people with mullets should not be raising children.

   I took an Ambien and now I hate everyone....

   I'm sure the sale of duck calls to the gay community will be on the decline...

   You know when Fall season has shown up. Crappy door wreaths everywhere.

   Kim and Kanye get married. Who cares? Ain't nobody got time for that....

   Why is it as a grown man living in your own home you cannot touch those "special" pillows on the couch, but those grandkids can come over and toss them everywhere and its cute?

   Smoke alarms going off. Guess the wife's cooking is done...

   I am thankful for bean dip. The wife is thankful for air-freshener.

   If you missed the 3 seasons of McCain's funeral you can now watch it on Netflix.

   Will trade AR-15 for nice Corvette....

   If you are undecided, vote for the one you would most likely buy a used car from.

   Too bad the Kardashians drove off into a snow ditch and not off a cliff....

   Now that Lance has come clean, I guess he's qualified to run for election in the House or Senate..

   Trump comes to Texas and the sun immediately comes out. Amazing!

   Are you tired of being fat and ugly?..just stay ugly and join the gym !!