Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4920 of 6446

My 2011 outlook: Sports, work, beer, sex and bar-b-que.
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01-25-2011 19:50
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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
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04-17-2010 14:38
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told the boss today that there was no W-F-A-Y I could do the job the way he wanted me to. He said, "But there's no 'F-in-way!!" I said, "Exactly!"

My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading.
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04-28-2010 22:26 by Tom
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celebrating Cinco De Mayo by having some tequila, tacos, casadias, and cho cha
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05-05-2010 10:28
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If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two...he'll be back to his usual self.

My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
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05-06-2010 23:58 by paulb808
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I'm now Getting facebooks requests from my 14yr old sons friends. My girlfriend just called me a M.I.L.F. "Mom I'd like to Facebook"
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06-30-2010 15:12 by BOO
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I've seen as many smart people today as Stevie Wonder has.
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07-08-2010 13:25 by Leeferd
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if Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott went sailing together, and the boat capsized, who would be saved? Australia.
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08-05-2010 14:08 by proxy
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My other Facebook page is a 69 camaro.
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08-14-2010 18:11
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so for some reason actually saw 5 minutes of twilight which has me placing garlic in all the toilets because pretty sure that's how vampires now enter your house
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08-16-2010 20:12
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Wonder if Donald is going to borrow money from Vladimir Putin to pay for Trump University lawsuit.
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04-01-2017 16:09
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Kim Jong Un has made millions of Americans look up the word dotard. So far, he's done way more education than Betsy DeVos.
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09-22-2017 22:07
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When your lawyer's, lawyer needs a lawyer. You know things must be bad.
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09-16-2018 01:10
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Guys, prove you're not a rapist by giving large sums of money to random women!
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10-02-2018 15:50 by Truman
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Covid spelled backwards is divoc... As in where divoc is my beer?
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09-04-2020 16:04
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Farting under the covers is no longer called a dutch oven. It’s now a "covid test". If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative.
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01-01-2021 13:49 by Grumpy
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Wear a sombrero to the next wedding you’re invited too. Long after they’re divorced they’ll talk about the guy in the sombrero.
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02-25-2021 10:33
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For animals with an "amazing sense of smell" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing "Whoops, these are turds"
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10-11-2021 08:14
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