Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4878 of 6369
"Here, tell me if my butthole stinks." ~cats
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08-01-2014 14:16
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England invaded us Scottish all those years ago and all you got was Michelle McManus, Men wearing skirts, fried mars bars and Asians with Scottish accent. However, we got Michelle Keegan, kelly brook, & warmer weather. Sounds like a good deal to me...
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09-19-2014 18:24
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When you're truly beautiful you don't need to remind people in every other selfie caption.
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10-06-2014 13:49 by Czovczov
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Well, basically you just touch her down there" - Getting To Third Base Coach
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06-03-2015 12:02
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My U.S. citizneship was questioned because I wasn't out of breath after walking up a flight of staris.
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06-17-2015 15:29
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I don't know what part of donating blood I like more, the free cookies or that I can get drunk faster afterwords.
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06-17-2015 15:34
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Why does it look like some of my friends took their profile pic with an old Polaroid Camera?
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06-26-2015 18:35
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Did any one else get cat-fished by taco bells breakfast?
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07-03-2015 20:31
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(to every zookeeper at every exhibit at the zoo).. ME: If that thing comes on to my lawn,, I'll shoot it
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07-04-2015 09:20 by snotty
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The Asians haven't been this embarrassed since William Hung was singing "She Bangs, She Bangs"
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07-05-2015 19:58 by Jeff
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Am I the only one that thinks some of the Japanese players will be executed? #fifa
That selfie of you perched upon the toilet intoxicated was truly charming. What finishing school did you attend, my delicate flower?
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07-06-2015 19:59 by peter
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Dr says my cholesterol count is so high that... I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.
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07-17-2015 15:27 by Otis
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It usually goes like this. 1: wreck myself. 2: check myself
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08-21-2015 00:46
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Police officers say anything you say will be taken down and make be used as evidence .. your answer should always be please officer don't hit me again
A verbal agreement is not worth the paper it's printed on.
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10-25-2015 20:03
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If everyday is a gift then today was socks...
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10-27-2015 20:38 by Gabe
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My legs have decided to take part in 'no shave November'... By the looks of things they started in September.
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11-02-2015 02:33 by X
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My mother in-law is letting me renovate her kitchen. My wife told me to get the cupboards from that Scandinavian company with the short name. Turns out it was IKEA not LEGO,
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12-26-2015 18:22
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I'm a keeper...of bees.
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09-20-2013 14:03 by Sarah
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