Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4846 of 6369
Retweeting about a good cause is the definition of, "the least I could do."
I swear all my tweets end up in an empty room in brazil.
out of her mind. Please leave a message and the men in the white coats may let me return your call sometime soon.
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12-16-2011 07:55 by XoMeshaXo
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I'm on the road to happiness and ain't a stop sign in sight :-)
X says Some people wish that Morgan Freeman narrated their lives. I on the other hand would choose Kevin Arnold from the wonder years
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12-16-2011 23:59
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I throw lemons at life and say learn how to live.
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12-19-2011 08:55
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dont ask me to lower my standards for you to raise your average!!
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12-19-2011 21:54 by shelly
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If you don't drink, you're boring and all your stories end the same way with, “and then I got home and went to sleep.”
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03-10-2012 05:30 by Czovczov
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Instead of sending me this annoying 21 Questions App invite, why dont you just inbox me your 21 questions and I will answer right away?
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03-10-2012 06:12
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I Wish they could take my sex longevity, bottle it and sell it
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03-11-2012 14:01
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I'm takin' the fact that I have one neighbor who doesn't wave at me.. as a sign that she likes bags of flamin' dog poop on her porch.
When my chatty mom trails me around the store, I fill my cart with condoms, KY, duct tape, rubber gloves, and tequila, singing "Whip It".
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03-21-2012 18:19 by snotty
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caterpillars, all kids first pet. At least for 5 mins.
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03-22-2012 06:22
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I stEverytime a kid shows me a picture or play dough sculpture, I have to do a better one. Not so proud now, are ya?
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03-22-2012 07:38
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Shout Out to the first person to post a Youtube video on Facebook.... Happy now?
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03-24-2012 15:50 by Steve OH
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just got robbed at the gas station.. police came down and said "do you know who robbed you"? I replied "yes.. pump number 6"
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03-25-2012 19:04 by drftn8
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Oh so...they taking money made from Gas to give it to the winner of the MegaMillion Lottery!! Aint that some sh!t!!!
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03-30-2012 18:23 by Jitney
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You say "potato," I say "larger more powerful potato."
Love doesn't ask why, it ask "When and where?"
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04-09-2012 03:59
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If you put your kid's GPA in your Christmas card's the grandparents might be proud of them but everyone else is gonna think YOU'RE a di<k!
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12-22-2011 14:40 by JOHN
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