Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I guess I will call this little 9 song playlist "The Night I Got Drunk and Decided World Music was Awesome"

   If I ever send you LOL, you should know I prolly faked it! :P

   You CAN'T tell me that "Wendy Williams" Has Never, Wrestled For WWF.

   Some things just never change. You know that kid who used to steal your favourite toy only to break it and throw it away? Now he is the douchebag who steals your girlfriend, use and break her heart then dump her.

   For xmas my wife is getting SWIFFA so she can have fun while cleaning too.!!!

   BBC News: "Man critical after Specsavers car park crash." He should have gone to . . . Oh

   heading to Zanesville, OH for some big game hunting.

   survived Harold Camping predictions...

   FUNNY T-SHIRT IDEA: "I survived another Harold Camping rapture prediction".

   Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

   You say I'm afraid of commitment, but maybe it's you that's afraid of total uncertainty.

   It's hard to understand why eating a banana would be considered even remotely sexual. Sure, it can represent a phallic object, but if a girl devouring your pen!s turns you on then you have some serious problems.

   Seen a couple jogging this morning, he had on black leotards and a black hoodie, not far behind she had white leotards and a white hoodie,. I couldn't help but grine reminded of the old comic strip spy vs spy

   For those of you who were wondering why I have a belly, well I'm not fat, I'm just Full with love =)

   It makes you worried for the future when you see all the insecure girls on Facebook posting their pictures as their statu$ and begging for likes.

   There are two things why we don't trust people. FIRST: We don't know them. SECOND: We know them.

   I got the early bird special at Denny's. Don't do it, these worms taste like poop..!!!

   Ladies, if you can't be with your crush... always look fabulous. someday he may wanna be with YOU!

   Dear Someone: I miss you so damn much!

   I enjoypoetry, long romantic walks in the woods and poking dead things with a stick.