Jon Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don't have a little brother...
←Rate | 03-10-2012 14:30 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon A teacher, once said, that, I overused commas. What she didn't understand, at all, was that I was writing, like Christopher Walken speaks.
←Rate | 03-10-2012 23:02 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders why is it that when a man talks nasty to a woman it's harassment, but when a woman talks nasty to a man it's £3.99 a minute
←Rate | 07-20-2009 10:23 by jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ok it has been 9 hours now...I wonder how many people already messed their New Years resolution up???
←Rate | 01-01-2014 10:11 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never here the end of it
←Rate | 07-24-2009 04:00 by jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon "JESUS CHRIST... HOW BOUT YOU MAKE SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES PANCAKES FOR DINNER FOR ONCE!!!!" - Aunt Jemima's nieces and nephews.
←Rate | 02-23-2012 12:42 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women are like fine wines; you can try to sell them at auctions, but Liam Neeson will find you, and he will kill you.
←Rate | 05-12-2012 12:44 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon We live in a world where the police come faster if you prank call them then if you were to have a serious problem
←Rate | 01-26-2012 14:20 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a sign that said 'NO PARKING' so I took out a sharpie & now it says 'NO PARKING UNLESS YOU ARE AWESOME' & now I found a parking spot.
←Rate | 05-12-2012 14:10 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man posted "saved 30 people from a fire" 2 ppl like this, female half naked in her pic posted "the mail man didnt come today"= 65 ppl like this
←Rate | 01-14-2012 11:01 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Give a man to fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'd stop after a day & be like "Screw that. It was way easier wen you guys just got me fish"
←Rate | 04-04-2012 14:27 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Went outside before without my iPhone & Twitter. Panicked. Didn't know what to do. Ran in circles. Tired now. Need a juice box.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 22:37 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon National back to being miserable couples day
←Rate | 02-15-2012 12:30 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Goals for this weekend: 1) get drunk 2) find Easter bunny & take Instagram pic of him 3) get drunk again 4) eat chocolate 5) refer to 1&3
←Rate | 04-06-2012 17:42 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon just lost my job at the Orange Juice factory...I couldn't concentrate
←Rate | 07-24-2009 03:56 by jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Statistically speaking, roughy 118% of all people over-exaggerate.
←Rate | 05-10-2012 20:40 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ok Northerners, stop criticizing how we handle snow & ice. It is very rare down here. You know kinda like winning a BCS National Championship up there
←Rate | 01-29-2014 19:28 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know its tax season when people start posting pictures of their rent money
←Rate | 01-26-2012 08:44 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Finding a teen that does not have child is like finding the back to my remote
←Rate | 02-01-2012 16:04 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon 1st grader: I need something to drink. College graduate: I N33|) 50m37h1nG t0 dr1nKz
←Rate | 01-13-2012 07:51 by Jon Comments (0)  


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