Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I need a beer! I need another beer. I think I'll have another one. Iguetss jusst on moer. I'lll hav jush one morrrre. Blaaaahhhh.

   Jesus is coming, Quick, look busy

   Same Great Taste 40% Fewer Calories, 30% Less Fat.

   Oh, you want a free college education? Please tell me how serious you took your free high school education.

   This would look ALOT better in the toilet” -toddlers

   Sorry, quoting bible scriptures to me isnt going to convince me. I could quote "Stars Wars" or "Twilight" and it would be just as profound.

   Order a pizza from Papa Johns today NATIONWIDE-- they are making a donation to the families of the four fallen police officers in Lakewood (WA) - all pizzas sold on Tuesday, Dec. 8 and Wednesday, Dec. 9. ALL proceeds to a trust for their nine children

   "going to jail, directly to jail. She is not passing go. She is not collecting $200"

   filled with corn syrup, artificial ingredients and regret

   in a constant state of Omphaloskepsis (look it up).

   When caught with weed, never assume anything but the position...

   chasing vodka with french fries

   We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

   sometimes feels like I'm stuck at school in an episode of Peanuts where all I hear is "blah blah blah...blah blah...blah blah blah blah"

   Many will come and go but I know the diffrence between a woman and a ho so if you text or call and you don't hear from me you know which one you must be:)

   Cigarettes...because Skittles after sex just don't cut it!

   Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.

   just watched the A-team. It was really good. I like the part when stuff blew up.

   Artist makes portrait of Rachael Ray using Cheetos. Unfortunately, a ravenous Oprah devoured the entire thing while visiting the set.

   trying to remember the thing I was suppose to remind myself about, but I can't remember where I put my sticky notes.. DAMNIT !!!