Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wish I was in a gang, I never know what to do with my hands when taking pictures.

   LADIES: If your father is a poor man, it is your fate... But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity!

   Oven = Xbox for women.

   I saw a girl with a belly ring. She must've weighed 400 lbs. That belly ring turned out to be a hitch.

   Please tell your breast to quit staring at me!

   I truly believe that the key difference between men and women, is that a man can break a woman's heart, but a woman will sh!t IN a man's heart...

   hand over the casey anthony case to law and order svu...they have it solve in a hour

   Only Fat people follow KFC on twitter.

   If you think my wife is hot you should see my girlfriend.

   Donald Trump is so terrible at negotiating that he can't even find a way to convince his wife to live with him.

   18 school shootings since Jan. 1st...by the same generation that eats laundry detergent...and you wanna say we have a gun problem.

   Not standing for the national anthem is considered offensive, but rallying a hate group is considered freedom of speech? I'm convinced, you people are messed up in the head.

   The president is offering cure advice with disinfectant to a country who require NOT FOR RECTAL USE warnings on curling irons

   WARNING: If you see a link that tells you to, "Click For Free Nickelback Tickets!", Do not click!! I repeat, DO NOT CLICK!!!! It directs you to a link that will actually give you free Nickelback tickets!!!!

   "If you are under investigation by the FBI. you should not be president -Donald Trump 7/14/16

   got a Rolex for his birthday from the lesbians next door. I think they misunderstood me when I said 'I wanna watch'

   Osama 0 - Obama 1

   Press the F13 button to get a surprise! Yeah that's right ;-)

   im no gynecologist...but I'll take a look ;)

   Sarah Palins name is becoming so big, That she can no longer see Russia from her house.