Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4751 of 6370
85% of women go through life with the wrong bra size. Meanwhile every guy over 17 can tell you the exact measurement of their d!ck. Who's smarter now ladies?
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06-24-2011 09:28 by flinnie
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I find it odd when you are at the store and the teller hands you the receipt and says " there you are" and I respond " yes I have been here all along.. it was me that put the stuff on the counter.."
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06-24-2011 08:29
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Arguing on facebook is like the special olympics, even if you win your still retarded
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06-24-2011 07:28 by miz
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Women, you can't live with them, and they can't pee standing up!!!
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06-24-2011 07:26 by Joe
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When will women ever learn? Never hold a man to what he says during sex. It's not even him talking, it's the prick in charge.
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06-24-2011 05:52
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I wonder if those guys who stand in the corners and flip those billboard signs around all day actually applied for that job or did they lose a bet?
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06-24-2011 05:02 by BRian
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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06-24-2011 04:47
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I've gotta come clean... that's why I jack-off with Purell
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06-24-2011 03:59 by jdpower
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Dated a blind girl once, her name was .::. ::.:. ..:.:. :.:..::. ..:::.
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06-24-2011 03:58 by jdpower
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I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow..
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06-24-2011 03:56 by jdpower
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I like my coffee like I like my women .Strong, sweet & hot :)
You will never hear me say things like "I would never wish it upon my worst enemy", hell if you are my worst enemy I would wish it upon you ten-fold.
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06-24-2011 02:47
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I really like this hoity-toity hospital...they have 2 ply Toliet Paper
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06-24-2011 02:25 by cg
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Don't wait for someone else to write the ending of a story that you started from the beginning.
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06-24-2011 02:19
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: Awesome story dude.... Which chapter do you shut the f**k up?
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06-24-2011 00:50 by Elbow
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those sweet kind words you encraved in my mind, do me a favor and chocke on them.
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06-23-2011 23:40
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I live the same as I type: Fast and with lots of mistakes.
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06-23-2011 22:35 by BEGO
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Life is like a sports car: It goes too fast, and it costs too much.
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06-23-2011 22:34 by BEGO
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Why are porn DVDs 8 hours long? I was done before the opening credits.
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06-23-2011 21:43 by Jackbrass
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I have 14 friends that liked Lil Wayne. I should delete you all.
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06-23-2011 20:15
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