Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4739 of 6369
This whole time I thought they were using reverse psychology on me, so I say yes to drugs. (
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10-06-2011 22:50
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under demonic possession until tomorrow when I tell her it's just not working out. .
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10-07-2011 02:08
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anyone out there paying attention.... good.... carry on ... if ya happened to wake up at the end of this status go back to sleep .... ... it has little or no ethereal value anyway....
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10-12-2011 22:23
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updated itunes, I don't think I need any tutorials on listening to music.
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04-21-2011 14:17 by Joshin
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doesn't care that she's bad at parking. The other cars are bad at swerving!
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05-02-2011 03:24
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Be honest with yourself, deep down inside, is there anyone of us that doesn't desperately want to be "dead last"?
knows if I had a dollar for every time I heard about an evangelist slapping his daughter, I would have a Creflo Dollar.
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06-09-2012 12:14
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I don't mind when people make kitchen jokes about women, but when they make jokes about women driving... Well that's when I run you over.
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06-17-2012 12:17 by Linda
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The desire to roll around in mud while getting tasered and scraped by barbed wire early in the morning eludes me. It sounds like rough sex without the safe word. #NoThanks
I participate in optional celibacy. Roughly translated: If I'm not interested in having sex with you, I claim to be celibate.
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07-01-2012 14:47
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When I get old, I want to be sent off on an iceberg to die. Mostly because good luck finding an iceberg in 50 years.
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07-02-2012 00:04
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just got dumped by a pity-sex partner.....she looked like joe dirt....I think I just hit rock bottom.
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07-09-2012 09:27
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just stopped a leaky pipe with Silly putty...who's Silly now?
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02-20-2012 09:46
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Every time I say "I love you too", I'm thinking about the band so, technically not a lie.
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
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03-07-2012 12:18
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I was insane to think the people I knew was sane....
They should make haunted houses with genuine fears. For example: Eviction notices at every corner, very important final exams that you didn't study for, pictures of your parents naked, etc.
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10-31-2011 17:59 by g0re
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Seeking other people's approval is disapproving yourself.
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11-10-2011 12:41 by Czovczov
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This cold, bleak, dreary, wet, grey weather has given me Seasonal Adjective Disorder.
patiently waiting for the day when I need to set the alarm on my clock to wake up in the morning.
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11-18-2011 08:42 by JackieM
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