Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Obama...Winner winner chicken dinner...(what to soon?)

   I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

   I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes”

   likes calling Ketchup, "meatloaf hot fudge".

   I don't understand why people are so amazed when I say that my grandfather survived Auschwitz. I mean, most German officers did.

   Russia and China are now allies, Iran and North Korea are building nukes and Obama is our Commander In Chief? Hmmmm....Where toast!!

   What happens when a community organizer plays with the big boys? Warmonger to Putin's toy in one day.

   "False information" spelled backwards is "False information"

   At 11:11 AM and PM today. It will be 11-11-11 11 11 and that doesn't mean sh!t. Carry on with your day folks.

   Lazy rule #1257687895 : You so lazy you didn't complete reading the number!

   have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

   What does Obamacare and Obama's NCAA bracket have in common? They are both busted.

   4-1 Germany over England LOL....guess "YOUR" sport has passed you by...

   adopted a white dog the other day and named him Stains. Now I can yell "Come Stains, Come Stains" out my front door!

   Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

   I just realized why Obama raised tobacco taxes to exponential levels. It's pure profit from all his supporters continually blowing smoke up his a$$.

   beta testing your mom.

   Obama quit smoking for his health? Dude the diseases you catch from screwing the entire country is gunna kill you first

   The streets are jam packed full of cars this morning... that speech last night must of created a ton of jobs...get real people

   Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.