Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4683 of 6371
Rush Limbaugh says CBS hiring Stephen Colbert is an "assault on traditional American values," like drug use, gluttony, sexism and lying.
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04-11-2014 15:38 by SEAN
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"Can't go wrong with oolong"... is my favorite tea shirt.
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04-25-2014 15:16 by snotty
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The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer. This means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon. Not Bad.
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06-06-2014 15:26 by DragonJC
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surprise drug test day
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04-20-2012 00:44
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Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each
I paid a doctor to give me a colonoscopy. If I did that to a dog, they'd throw me in prison.
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05-03-2012 22:36
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I just bought my daughter an iPad, my son an iPod, myself an iPhone...and the wife an iRon. She wasn't impressed even after I explained it can be integrated with the iWash, iCook and iClean network. This sadly triggered the iNag service, which in turn wip
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05-05-2012 17:43 by Jhows21
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In your bed: it's 6:00, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school: it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:31.
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05-20-2012 22:33 by BEGO
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Just tried to park my car like Ace Ventura and now me and several other people are on our way to the nearest hospital.
Don't judge a kindle download by it's jpeg cover page
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10-27-2011 07:42
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If you pay peanuts you get monkeys
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12-03-2011 19:47 by Sibella
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if I ever get down on one knee and propose to a girl and she says "No" I'm coming back up with a uppercut like Street Fighter!...."haaaadduuikkickkkk!"
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12-06-2011 00:45 by jitneyman
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That 2010 UK study claimed the G-Spot doesn't exist but it merely proved a bunch of British scientists couldn't find it.
Welcome to FaceSpace
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12-17-2011 22:31
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Dear Santa, I promise to be good next year… ;)
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12-18-2011 15:34
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You know you took a good picture of someone when they use it as their default pic or timeline cover.
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03-15-2012 22:48 by BEGO
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My local Walmart has 28 checkout aisles except for when it's really busy then it only has 2
it really too much to ask to have just one animal (dont care what kind) start speaking english to me out of nowhere
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04-17-2012 20:43
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Every picture of you, is of you when you were younger !
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12-29-2011 14:48
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my New Years Resolution is to be less laz
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01-04-2012 19:05 by migasjoe
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