Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I miss the days when I could easily guess the password to my parents computer! Now I have to dust for fingerprints to sign in :(
←Rate | 11-14-2011 19:15 by Slasher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you Charlotte for bringing all the farm animals together by being the first ever Social Network "Web" Designer.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 20:07 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kodak recently filed for bankruptcy after 130 years in business.. I'd like to see the company just reorganize, but we'll see how it goes as the story develops.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 12:58 by snott Comments (0)  


   messageicon Young guys with beards are always secretly sad when you talk to them & don't compliment their beard.
←Rate | 02-17-2012 00:40 by Fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon My least favorite method of birth control is probably the beaver dam.
←Rate | 02-22-2012 17:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: so doc, if I get this lung surgery, will I be able to do a backflip? Doc: yes, of course. Me: awesome, cuz I could never do that before.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 13:39 by Katana Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you worry, you didn't pray... If you prayed, don't worry.
←Rate | 12-13-2011 00:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about an ultrasound photo is you can tag any guy you've had sex with in it and he'll think you're pregnant & that's his baby.
←Rate | 11-16-2011 09:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You dadburn dumb city folk, ye ain't spose to git' all nervous like when yee hear banjers....... It's when ye don'ts hear 'em is when weez a slipp'in up on ye..... Yeeeea doggy!
←Rate | 12-12-2011 16:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my wife "you're like a drug to me." "Aww because you're addicted to me?" she said. "No because you're ruining my life" I replied
←Rate | 04-25-2012 08:46 by SKoop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm in a band, you've probably seen our posters. We're called missing cat.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you logged into Myspace."
←Rate | 05-27-2012 21:59 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I heard you're a player. Nice to meet you, I'm the coach
←Rate | 05-29-2012 18:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never know the proper handshake to give a black guy wearing a suit
←Rate | 06-13-2012 09:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only trust people that like big butts, they cannot lie...
←Rate | 07-06-2012 13:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marilyn Monroe was blessed with the gift of being the most ferocious slut of her generation, remember lasdies...don't waste that special gift!
←Rate | 02-12-2012 12:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen ladies, you know men are not faithful so how bout giving us some tips on how to cheat properly because ya'll the best at it anyway.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish my gps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
←Rate | 10-28-2011 07:18 by gobb Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hot here, gangsters are doing drive bys with squirt guns.
←Rate | 11-09-2011 23:51 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time an angel has a menstrual cycle a maxipad gets its wings
←Rate | 03-15-2012 19:37 Comments (0)  




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