Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you can read this, congratulations, you're not a moose, unless you are a moose and can read in which case congratulations reading moose!
←Rate | 07-06-2013 06:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Royal baby doesn't even have teeth yet and I can still tell they're gonna be phucked up...
←Rate | 07-24-2013 11:09 by jo mamma Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her blackened teeth, facial hair and deplorable homemade titty tattoos reminded me once again of why our nation is the greatest in the world.
←Rate | 07-25-2013 20:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex-girlfriends favorite bird was the swallow.
←Rate | 08-18-2013 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the Supreme Court sides with marriage equality and tosses out the DOMA there are going to be a lot of butt-hurt people.
←Rate | 03-27-2013 10:47 by @michaelbeatty78 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't get married because the person I like has been already taken.
←Rate | 07-26-2012 21:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Music becomes my best friend when nobody else understands me.
←Rate | 07-26-2012 22:17 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I'm really disappointed with Bill Gates.
←Rate | 08-13-2012 03:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that you gotta fight for your right to party?
←Rate | 08-31-2012 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please support our non-profit organization for terminally I'll witnesses and informers, Snitches Get Wishes.
←Rate | 11-26-2012 07:51 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I respect you. I'm just not IN respect with you.
←Rate | 12-08-2012 13:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was at the pool and I thought I would try and get away with a sneaky wee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have noticed because he blew his whistle so frigging loud I nearly fell in,!!
←Rate | 01-03-2013 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are so many scams on Facebook now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 12:29 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mondays are God's punishment for what you did during the weekend ...
←Rate | 06-07-2011 16:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a flannel shirt for the 9th Fathers Day in a row... Thanks honey, cant wait to see what you get me next year!
←Rate | 06-19-2011 14:57 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks to Bo-flex, I've gone from 'obese' to 'prefer not to say' on my plenty of fish account!
←Rate | 06-21-2011 00:06 by Michek Comments (0)  


   messageicon hates it when I get a chain letter/email and I die the next day.
←Rate | 09-21-2011 04:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to put some whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to
←Rate | 09-25-2011 15:25 by fukdaworld Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people of England paid a heavenly price for the wedding of Cap'n Crunch ,. and didnt even get a lousy t-shirt...
←Rate | 04-29-2011 17:31 by srpdrzman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't remember where I put my xanex
←Rate | 04-10-2011 20:37 Comments (0)  




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