Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4665 of 6445

If you can read this, congratulations, you're not a moose, unless you are a moose and can read in which case congratulations reading moose!
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07-06-2013 06:09
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Royal baby doesn't even have teeth yet and I can still tell they're gonna be phucked up...
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07-24-2013 11:09 by jo mamma
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Her blackened teeth, facial hair and deplorable homemade titty tattoos reminded me once again of why our nation is the greatest in the world.
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07-25-2013 20:58
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My ex-girlfriends favorite bird was the swallow.
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08-18-2013 02:54
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If the Supreme Court sides with marriage equality and tosses out the DOMA there are going to be a lot of butt-hurt people.

I don't get married because the person I like has been already taken.
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07-26-2012 21:57
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Music becomes my best friend when nobody else understands me.
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07-26-2012 22:17 by BEGO
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Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I'm really disappointed with Bill Gates.
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08-13-2012 03:54
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Did you know that you gotta fight for your right to party?
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08-31-2012 14:49
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Please support our non-profit organization for terminally I'll witnesses and informers, Snitches Get Wishes.
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11-26-2012 07:51 by Huck
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I respect you. I'm just not IN respect with you.
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12-08-2012 13:15
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I was at the pool and I thought I would try and get away with a sneaky wee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have noticed because he blew his whistle so frigging loud I nearly fell in,!!
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01-03-2013 02:52
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There are so many scams on Facebook now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
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02-07-2013 12:29 by snotty
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Mondays are God's punishment for what you did during the weekend ...
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06-07-2011 16:35
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Got a flannel shirt for the 9th Fathers Day in a row... Thanks honey, cant wait to see what you get me next year!
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06-19-2011 14:57 by Downey
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Thanks to Bo-flex, I've gone from 'obese' to 'prefer not to say' on my plenty of fish account!
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06-21-2011 00:06 by Michek
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hates it when I get a chain letter/email and I die the next day.
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09-21-2011 04:02
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Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to put some whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to

The people of England paid a heavenly price for the wedding of Cap'n Crunch ,. and didnt even get a lousy t-shirt...
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04-29-2011 17:31 by srpdrzman
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I can't remember where I put my xanex
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04-10-2011 20:37
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