Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

   The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom

   If its any consolation, I didn't get lucky last night either.

   at the next awards' show, Lady Gaga will begin her performance by being squeezed from a cow's udders

   I'm not as dumb as you look!

   ...You cannot predict how people think because even cows cross the road in the pale moonlight

   The fashion police can eat my white jean shorts!

   Mistakes make you think. They make you realize that sometimes there are no next times, no time outs and no second chances.

   caught sticking sharp metal objects into the wall outlets. Now I'm gounded.

   I really hope Osama didnt have a twin brother! ......#worried

   You can't find me cause I'm lost in the music.

   I think I'm going to call in raptured to work on monday

   wondering if fat drug dealers sell diet coke

   people who make the wrong thing always complain about everything and everybody!

   After seeing Nancy Grace's nipple slip on Dancing With The Stars....I must say I will never eat bologna again!! Thanks alot Nancy!!

   shouldn't *India* be the country that celebrates Columbus Day? Think of all the syphilis they avoided because that dude could not navigate his way out of a kiddie pool.

   To do list for the day: Hate self, love self, hate self, love self. Lunch. Hate self.

   The most annoying thing is when you get a pimple on your nose, like I would rather get a pimple any where else but...

   Sticking a tongue out is kids' way of giving someone the middle-finger.

   will shoot at me or that I might drive over a bomb in the road today! Thanks to all who serve.