Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Click like if you almost cried when Trey said,"Yo Dough...You still got one Brotha left!".

   I feel sorry for all the bald horses in the world. Black women only think of themselves.

   Breaking a mirror is 7 years of bad luck? Well breaking a condom is 18.

   If you wonder what it feels like to be one of those pretty girls that all of the guys want, you are probably gay.

   I like my women like my cell-phone - plenty of service but always silent.

   3.67 billion Women in the world and I just had to make my own sandwich! :(

   I like my women like I like my milk. White and fat free

   it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I'm trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.

   Question of the day: Do people eat Tide Pods because Trump is president, or is Trump president because people are dumb enough to eat Tide Pods?

   WORD OF THE DAY: OBAMA. As in: I bought a 12 pack of beer and drank it OBAMA self.

   Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a convicted pedophile. Not me though, I live next to two stunning 12 year olds.

   Marriage should have an expression date!

   The three stages of a relationship: 1. xoxo, 2. xxx & 3. ex

   When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be "Left rS. 10million in the..."

   I filed a lawsuit against Nabisco for blatant racism. I opened up a box of premium saltines and every one of them was a cracker.

   My ex-wife has a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh... if you put your ear to it, I swear you could smell the ocean!

   pretty sure God didnt kill your grandpa. he had cancer, its a sickness people die from

   My neighbor came knocking at my door at 2:30 this morning...can you believe that, 2:30 A.M. mad me so mad,,lucky for him I was still up playing my drums!!!

   Jenga is a great way to teach your kids about strategy, patience and 9/11

   never a follower......that's what 'Twits' are for.