Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4610 of 6384
In life it doesn't matter what people say about you... Most of them f##kers dont even know the real you, so who gives a toss what a bunch of sad twisted plebs think... The people who love and respect you the most know the person you really are.
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10-23-2011 11:47 by Memz
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The thing that sucks about chilling with friends is that they see how much I stare at my phone & know how little I answer their texts.
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10-24-2011 21:20 by BEGO
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I hate it when someone else buys the things I mentally claimed
My dream car is 1969 Camaro with a pine tree airfreshenr hanging from the rearview and your girlfriend in backseat. Now all I need is a 1969 Camaro.
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11-01-2011 19:46
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It is illegal to use your cell phone while driving, which is why I had this sweet rotary phone installed in my center console.
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11-05-2011 08:28 by flinnie
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bad sex is like bad pizza: you finish it anyways, but wish you would have went somewhere else...
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11-08-2011 10:18
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OK I made a wish at 11:11 , now its 11:12 still no midget house cleaners and Justin Beiber still has a career...what a crock
age is just a number, yeah right!! and "too young" is just a name in china
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11-12-2011 02:09
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You wanna know how my day is going ?? My M&M's Melted in my Hand and Not in My Mouth !
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06-01-2012 12:55
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I just peed double streams. Is this my superpower?
This man just said he date homeless women because you can drop them off anywhere
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03-06-2012 22:54 by jitney
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I wish the string on my weedeater had a Hollywood clip.
“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”
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03-15-2012 01:45
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you know you're lazy when you use your toilet as your mop bucket
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03-17-2012 13:50
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"Wish you were here" - me, thinking about the wine that is in the fridge
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03-18-2012 00:04 by Maureen
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Due to the economy I decided to grow my own food...I guess cotton wasn't the best choice, makes you soooo thirsty
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03-21-2012 13:14
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I can't get a mobile signal in my village, yet terrorists have no problem sending videos from caves. Is there a special terrorist tariff?
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03-29-2012 07:04
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Ugly girls who send their fine ass friends to holla at a guy for them should be arrested for grand misrepresentation.
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04-02-2012 15:30
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x² + why +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9 TRUST ME, You need this in life.
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04-07-2012 22:35 by BEGO
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I'd love to ram a big black dild0 up John Terry's ass.
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04-15-2012 13:36
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